Yea. Title pretty much sums it up but here goes..
First off. Iβd like to apologize to damn near everyone a part of the clan for my behaviour over the last 4-6 weeks. As some, if not all know, Iβve been clean and sober now for almost 15 months. Great in the short term and I honestly thought I was handling it fine. I havenβt had a sip of booze in that time nor have I gone to other means such as drugs..
But the past month or so have really put my head in a very shitty place. Iβm not going to get into details but thereβs been a lot of personal/work/life stuff thatβs bombarded me all in a very short time and Iβve had a hell of a time coping with all of it. Not too mention that my anxiety is utterly through the roof.. Iβve always had bad bouts when Iβve got health concerns and such but with all this happening in such a short span, itβs really done a number on my nerves. The old me wouldβve grabbed a case of beer and drank my worries away but that me is dead. The new me is having a hell of a time trying to deal with a lot of this crap and itβs put me in a really anti-social behaviour.
Not only that, but trivial and very minor things that shouldnβt bother me at all have ended up really pissing me off or put my mood into a darker set then I normally am.
I donβt like that.
A lot of you that have known me for quite sometime KNOW how I am. The Batman, Micheal Caine happy go lucky guitar playing, impressionist that can be the life of an FG Friday and put a smile on someoneβs face when they feel down.
I havenβt been that lately and I need to do something about it. Itβs started to effect a lot of the folks in this group that I consider friends and I canβt let that continue. Itβs not fair for me to inadvertently take out the shitty things going on in my life on any of you. Weβre all here to have fun enjoying the hobby we all share. If anything, I shouldβve been more social and up front with my issues rather then trying to push everyone away. Thatβs my bad and I truly would like to apologize for being that asshole as of late. I know itβs not much but right now, itβs all I can offer. I know I fucked up and Iβm working to fix that.
I figured Iβd let you all know.
Iβm incredibly thankful I have my wife Sarah @Rumelylady in my life whose been by my side when Iβve been shedding tears from being overwhelmed by all this bullshit to helping me find ways to cope with all this mental trash without resorting to my old habits. I feel I would be in a much darker place if I didnβt have her today.
So, yeaβ¦ Im working on my mental health. I want to get back to what normal feels like in my eyes. Iβm finding ways to help cope with it and I felt this would be one way to do that. The roadβs never clear and thereβs always gonna be bumps.. I just ended up in a landslide and Iβm digging my way out right now.
GGs FG.
Again, Iβm sorry for being that jack ass.