Confessions of a jack ass..

[Riff Machine 2,105]

Yea.  Title pretty much sums it up but here goes..

 

First off.  I’d like to apologize to damn near everyone a part of the clan for my behaviour over the last 4-6 weeks.  As some, if not all know, I’ve been clean and sober now for almost 15 months.  Great in the short term and I honestly thought I was handling it fine.  I haven’t had a sip of booze in that time nor have I gone to other means such as drugs..  

 

But the past month or so have really put my head in a very shitty place.  I’m not going to get into details but there’s been a lot of personal/work/life stuff that’s bombarded me all in a very short time and I’ve had a hell of a time coping with all of it.  Not too mention that my anxiety is utterly through the roof..  I’ve always had bad bouts when I’ve got health concerns and such but with all this happening in such a short span, it’s really done a number on my nerves.  The old me would’ve grabbed a case of beer and drank my worries away but that me is dead.  The new me is having a hell of a time trying to deal with a lot of this crap and it’s put me in a really anti-social behaviour.  
 

Not only that, but trivial and very minor things that shouldn’t bother me at all have ended up really pissing me off or put my mood into a darker set then I normally am.  
 

I don’t like that.  
 

A lot of you that have known me for quite sometime KNOW how I am.  The Batman, Micheal Caine happy go lucky guitar playing, impressionist that can be the life of an FG Friday and put a smile on someone’s face when they feel down.  
 

I haven’t been that lately and I need to do something about it.  It’s started to effect a lot of the folks in this group that I consider friends and I can’t let that continue.  It’s not fair for me to inadvertently take out the shitty things going on in my life on any of you.  We’re all here to have fun enjoying the hobby we all share.  If anything, I should’ve been more social and up front with my issues rather then trying to push everyone away.  That’s my bad and I truly would like to apologize for being that asshole as of late.  I know it’s not much but right now, it’s all I can offer.  I know I fucked up and I’m working to fix that.  
 

I figured I’d let you all know. 
 

I’m incredibly thankful I have my wife Sarah @Rumelylady in my life whose been by my side when I’ve been shedding tears from being overwhelmed by all this bullshit to helping me find ways to cope with all this mental trash without resorting to my old habits.  I feel I would be in a much darker place if I didn’t have her today.  
 

So, yea… Im working on my mental health.  I want to get back to what normal feels like in my eyes.  I’m finding ways to help cope with it and I felt this would be one way to do that.  The road’s never clear and there’s always gonna be bumps..  I just ended up in a landslide and I’m digging my way out right now.  

GGs FG.  
 

Again, I’m sorry for being that jack ass.  

 

[Baabcat 1,646]

Sorry to hear about your troubles mate and congrats on not dropping off the wagon and instead trying to find different ways of dealing with it. We are always here for you buddy !

[GazzaGarratt 11,056]

I think it shows how much of a man you are mate, to write something that needs so much courage to do so.

 

I'm thankful that you are around Chad, some people in that situation I'm sure wouldve given up by now, gone back to the booze and not given an inch of care.

 

But you haven't. You show people that there is a way to live and get through it, even if you have bumps along the way. Open dialogue seems to help with this more than not and if people now know the pain you have they'll hopefully appreciate it, as you will knowing there's people at FG that have always got your back dude.

 

Love ya Batman. We'll be raiding again in no time 👊❤

[Diddums 4,346]

You emo bastard. We all love you and we all know you for the happy-go-lucky Chaddy you really are so this sobriety-puberty thing you're going through is nothing more than a blip.

 

Stay strong, fight the good fight and feel free to take your frustrations out on me. You're sexy when you're angry ❤️ 

 

 

[TheMuggySpud 239]

We haven't gamed much but the very few times we did makes it so I feel comfortable saying fair play to you. You've handled it like a boss and in fairness, better than I could. FG is a family and you're never alone in your struggles, even if it sometimes feels that way ❤

[Antpool84 1,109]

Really sorry to hear about your struggles dude, but really well done on not letting it push you off the wagon. You've done a really brave thing by putting yourself out there with this post and letting people know that you have been struggling, that is such a difficult thing to do. 

 

You sound like a pretty awesome dude, and we are always here to try and help out or just be an ear for you to vent to 😊 Look after yourself and GG's dude 😊

[Greboth 2,721]

I think this shows that this place is far more than just a clan, it is a community, a group of friends.  And no, this isn’t Lee alternate account.

 

So you don’t have to apologise for anything my dude.  You’re not the life of the party currently, so what? It’s better that you reflect how you feel than surpress it and cover it all up.

 

You’ll get back to your ‘normal’ self one day but until that day, don’t fee you need to fake it and know we’re all supporting you.

[phil bottle 9,770]

If I was playing Density regularly with this bunch of reprobates I'd also...

 

But seriously, take care of yourself mate, all for one and one for all ❤

[Findmartin 235]

Hey mate. We haven't played together much, but fair play to you for posting this and well done for not returning to the drink. I wish you all the best and hopefully you will be feeling back to your best very soon 😊

[SWAINEY84 68]

Now that took guts to write that and be so open about the struggles your facing because most of the time we tend to put on an act and don’t let people in to see how we really feel so hats off dude, I know we haven’t spoke or anything but I wish you all the best on your journey to get better, you will get there in the end, it may not be easy but you will, GG’s and well done for staying off the drink, take care buddy 

[Mikepjbell 354]

I think I've personally found in FG that this place is full of people who don't judge you based on a few moments of madness. What you're going through is clearly quite profound and it must be incredibly tough. Concentrate on your wellbeing and know that you have a community of good people who are here for you.

[Tar-Eruntalion 511]

we have played together a couple of times at the vog raids, i don't know you that well but from these few times you seem like a great guy, so you got this, fight like hell to feel better

 

so you can continue carrying our noob asses😅

 

seriously though, i hope you get well soon!!

[slamminbones 1,798]

Sounds like you've had it bad so there's no need to apologise. 

Just remember FG are here for you to help in any way possible. 

[Plumbers Crack 4,062]

Glad you feel you could let that out on here Chad, we’re with you fella 👍

 

Just remember, next time you’re feeling frustrated or down, just blow the bloody doors off!

 

Take it easy fella ❤️

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,453]

I hope you can get things turned around, man.  Hit me up if you ever want to chat.  I know how you feel.  

[techno 3,511]

EY up fella, sorry to hear your going through a bit of a bad time but it happens to us all and I've learnt recently myself that keeping that shit to yourself isn't the best idea, we all need a little help now and again. Glad to see you didn't reach for the booze and congrats on how well that's going. Hope you get it all sorted buddy.

[Riff Machine 2,105]

I truly appreciate all the kinds words and everything from you folks.  I’m getting there slowly but surely and it’s definitely helped, I can assure you.  
 

I’ll get there.  Each day sees things getting a bit easier.  
 

🤘🏻❤️

[Leeesh13 285]

you got thissss Chad you can get through this I believe in you you fucking guitar munched!