Diddy's impressions

[Diddums 4,346]

@techno told me to play the game and do a review. I wanted to do a video review but I have a good career now and my online persona certainly isn't compatible with it, so here it is in writing. I know there's a thread for it but I'm fucking fabulous so I deserve my own thread.

 

Initial thoughts!

 

In this year's episode of please-keep-these-cunts-out-of-all-my-other-games comes a bit of a resurgence of old, no more flying, wallrunning, only a bit of parkour and the usual camping from the same twats who all seem to have fucked controllers going by their inability to move anywhere. CoD being CoD, every single soldier is exactly the same height, which is conveniently about an inch taller than every obstruction on the map. It's almost as if the designers have designed the game around people just poking their heads out from barriers and shooting you from their forehead mounted gun. The don't-worry-corner-I'll-defend-you cunts are now joined by a seemingly whole new breed of CoD player, who shall now be referred to as don't-worry-window-my-claymore-and-I-will-defend-you! 

 

It's no surprise how much I absolutely fucking detest the CoD community, but we need CoD, and we need Fortnite for exactly the same reason, to keep them out of anything else. These career Dorito eating, mountain dew sucking please-mom-one-more-round motherfuckers deserve this irritating cunt of a game. It caters to their cheap bullshit perfectly, with dark corners, the aforementioned perfect height obstacles, windows and maps which promote these legless fucks to sit in corners with their shotguns. I could almost hear the salt from their delicious tears when they found out that their usual look-at-me noscoping bollocks is gone, but there are more than enough ways in the game to find a way to shove a whistle up their arse and fart.

 

The maps are decent enough, @phil bottle will probably have a whinge about the Hackney map not being stabby enough to be authentic, the cave map fucking sucks, the only way to succeed is to stay out of the cave because you can bet your bottom dollar that there are two pixels of some cunt sticking out from a rock on the other end of the cave scoped in on the door you just walked in to just waiting to catch you with your safety on and then brag as if he's just stopped King Fucking Kong from stomping all over Los Angeles. Congratulations, you waited 27 minutes for someone to walk past so you could catch him off guard and then killed him. You absolute fucking hero you.

 

The guns feel decent, but my shotgun feels like wank. It doesn't really feel like a shotgun, more like a handheld mortar that shoots confetti in the hope that your enemy chokes to death from laughing. Maybe attachments will fix this, maybe it's gone the way of the irritating snipycunt, we'll see. Either way defending those fucking doors and windows is a lot harder when you have to shoot twice, trust me!

 

A special mention goes to the sound. Apart from the doors sounding like it's the final of most-serious-door-remains-and-the-rest-are-turned-in-to-soup-cans therefore needing to sound like they really, really mean business when touched or even stroked, the sound is absolutely spot on. Soundwhoring is back and then some, I could defend my perfect-height obstacle perfectly when I could hear bad buys coming from a mile away, and which direction they were coming from. It's fantastic.

 

As always with any CoD, it all boils down to connection. I'm a fucking shit player at the best of times (fuck you @TigerBurge, haha) but even I can pull a blackjack and fuck shit up one match, and then suck massive donkeyballs the next. There's zero consistency, and once the frustration starts setting in, it becomes a game of revenge, more frustration, more lame ass attempts at revenge, it just goes on and on as I spiral more and more in to negative KDRs.

 

One small item I noticed is that in the scoreboard for TDM, it only shows how many kills anyone has, not their deaths. I can only assume that this is to protect the poor kids from getting the abuse they deserve for sucking balls, the poor fellas. Shame. 

 

Here are a couple of clips from my time playing this bullshit game, of course me being the irritating cunt I am they both involve grenades. Hey man, a saffer got a reputation to live up to.

 

 

 

And one I'm sure @ChaosGladiator will love:

 

 

 

Can't wait for release date to play more of this incessant whiny cunt filled bullshit. See you all online you cunts.

[phil bottle 9,755]

The Hackney map is racist and I swear it stopped and searched me, but that weren't my gear, alright son, quality review, despite offending cod players who ain't no cuck snowflake white night social justice ethnic supremacist muslamic destroyers of free beach euro summer brexitday give us our towels back from the sun loungers elite toe rags. Innit.

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[Diddums 4,346]

29 minutes ago, phil bottle said:

The Hackney map is racist and I swear it stopped and searched me, but that weren't my gear, alright son, quality review, despite offending cod players who ain't no cuck snowflake white night social justice ethnic supremacist muslamic destroyers of free beach euro summer brexitday give us our towels back from the sun loungers elite toe rags. Innit.

Sent from my SM-G955F using Tapatalk
 

 

 

If there's anyone I haven't offended let me know, we still have time!

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Solid 8/10 then! Clearly buying the game too cos that cant be the last review from you on this game 😀😂

[Dan94 913]

Tell us how you really feel


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[tronic44 3,642]

Great review, just pre ordered my copy 😂

[TigerBurge 2,375]

My god @Diddums you’re a diva.