Middle Class Caveman

What the deuce?

This is disappointing @phil bottle, I had you pegged as a David Icke fan?

Well, last night was my first ever go at being DM for a 'one shot' campaign. Essentially the idea is to start and finish an adventure in one go, which is tricky as it lasts a long time. However, 5 intrepid adventurers took up the gauntlet yesterday and completed the gauntlet I set before them. I decided to use my knowledge of the Sword Coast (an area in R.A Salvator books which D&D is heavily related to) and my love for World of Warcraft to bring together a story and setting for my adventure. My 5 players included: Jay the Half Orc Blood Hunter Mel the Elf Bard (Jay's other half and first time ever playing!) Martin the Furbolg Cleric Kristian the Elf Ranger Sarah the Lizard Folk Monk ( @Rumelylady ) The players were summoned to Silvery Moon to meet with Lady Alustrial who asked them to travel to Mithril Hall and discover the fate of Breunor Battlehammer, the dwarf king of the Battlehammer clan who had gone to reclaim his old home. After being given some very powerful weapons and items the adventurers were whisked away to the ruins of Settle Stone, rumoured to be the home of Mithril hall. After some keen investigation the heroes find a trail that leads up to a wisp of smoke the ranger saw in the distance. The adventurers find Regis, a halfling friend of Breunor who has escaped from the clutches of Mithril hall and begs them to go in and rescue his friend. Given the choice between the front door or the chimney Regis escaped from, they choose the latter and descend. The Elf bard decides to use a spell to float her way harmlessly to the bottom whilst the others climb, little does she know that she has fallen to her doom as three giant spiders close in on her. With the rest of her friends slowly climbing down the Elf bard has to engage the spiders but is in a losing battle, above her friends decide to climb faster, all but one of them fail in their athletics check and fall from afar causing lasting damage. However, once in the thick of the fight the rescue party make short work of the spiders exploding several of them into gooey chunks. Smelling fire and hearing people they work their way through the vents to find a room below, they drop down one by one, once again the young Elf bard finds herself in the room first and rushes to open the only door. She is confronted by three Duegar (grey) dwarves, the pesky foes who have taken up inhabitance of Mithril hall. She tries her best to battle them but soon finds herself impaled in the foot and unable to clear the door way. Her friends soon dispatch the dwarves but one of them tries to become invisible and escape, alas a flaming arrow in his buttock makes him an easy target to follow. What happens next is both hilarious and graphic. The Lizard folk monk decides she has grown tired of these monkey shines and grabs the escape artist, with two lizard fingers, in the arsehole. We are talking instant penetration. She hoists the poor fellow up in the air (being a 7ft monster) and then proceeds to use her other hand to gouge one of the eyes out and hold him steady. That's right. Our Lizard folk monk has just made herself a ventriloquists dummy. @Rumelylady , you are a sick sick lady! Meanwhile, our Half Orc Blood Hunter who has at this point in the evening consumed too much wine (in real life) has lost all bearings of the last 20 minutes and tries turning left and right in the chimney vents (which we are not in anymore) to fight more spiders (which there are none of). After a little bit of course correction his impaired judgement leads him to burst through the next door out of this room and into another trio of dwarves. He then proceeds to have a power cut making our party drop for 5 down to 3, one of which has their hands INSIDE a dwarf. The ranger and cleric make short work of this trio and calmness instills. The team decide to use their new dwarf puppet to get some information and find out where Breunor is being held, they make their way to the prison without incident and the team decide to use some stealthy tactics to lure one of the guards. The Cleric uses a spell to create a noise from the nearest cell and once a guard has come to investigate the Bard uses her Lute of Seduction, the powerful item given to her from Lady Alustrial's quartermaster. She uses the loot to seduce and enslave the poor guard who is told by the cleric that if he kills his guard friend and recovers the cell key, he can marry the bard. Without hesitation the enslaved minion turns on a dime, sprints down the corridor and goes full King Leonidus on his friend. Once they have the key they open the cell to a furious Breunor who begins to attack, however he is quickly calmed and is relieved to see the cavalry has arrived. He also murders the poor enslaved guard in cold blood for good measure. At this point he explains that he must return to Silvery Moon and dispatch of Lady Alustrial as she sent him to Mithril hall in a set up! The magical 'flare' she gave him that was supposed to signal her help actually signalled the entire army cohort. The team go back to the room they were originally in as this was the armoury and recover Breunors equipment. Unfortunately for them, Breunor knows nothing about stealth and has made so much noise that he has alerted the whole mine to their presence. Trailing at the back the poor Lizard folk monk is ambused and held captive, on pain of her death the team are ordered to surrender. They do so. Bound and gagged they are brought to the 'arena' where the frenzied horde of dark dwarves watch as their magical leader summons a mighty earth elemental. The heroes have been given a fair chance as their weapons have been returned, alas this is just a cruel joke as no physical damage can become this mighty elemental. The heroes try desperately to attack the monster but with little effect. The ranger creates a magical bunker in the air into which the heroes climb, remembering what was given to him the Furbolg Cleric unleashes the power of the Staff of Jordan, the quartermasters gift. In a spectacular fashion the earth elemental fails his wisdom saving roll (he has to roll higher than the clerics wisdom to mitigate some of the damage), hitting a solid 1 on the dice. This means he takes all of the damage unleashed by the staff, a whopping 127 points of lightening bolt damage. The blast is so mighty in fact, it causes the arena and the mine to begin to collapse. The heroes and Breunor have reigned supreme and make a swift exit out of the mine. Using the magic teleport they were given they ping back to Silvery Moon. Upon arrival, Breunor wastes no time in confronting Lady Alustrial - thinking he has merely been sent to his death so that she may claim Mithril hall and all of its spoils for herself Breunor attacks what he assumes to be simply a human women. His axe finds the spot right between her eyes, buries deep....but the lady is still standing. To their surprise the Lady Alustrial explodes into a transformation becoming a huge adult black dragon, Lady Onyxia (she was mentioned earlier by the grey dwarves). Battered, beaten, low on health and spells, the team must now battle Lady Onyxia in her royal hall, a room far too small for anything other than close combat. The heroes fight valiantly unleashing their most offensive spells and attacks on her, in one fleeting move she uses her deadly acid breath and takes out half of the group, laying unconscious and circling death the team respond quickly and the Cleric heals those who were downed. Making the ultimate sacrifice our Lizard folk bard flanks Lady Onyxia and manages to climb up her back and makes a huge bite into her eye ball, exploding it in the process! Lady Onyxia has had enough and takes flight, rendering all swords and axes useless. She buffets the party with her wind attack and some of our heroes fall once again. In a last ditch effort to finish the job our Blood Hunters curse works its way through her veins causing necrotic damage and our Ranger makes his last attempt to but this lady down for good, letting flight a fiery arrow that penetrates the dragons empty eye socket, driving the arrow deep into her brain. Lady Onyxia is defeated. After the dust has settled Breunor debriefs the team as he remembers the foe that invaded his old home Mithral Hall, a huge black dragon. Our team of heroes earn their accolades this day, forever holding the title 'Dragonsbain'

I am literally free whenever @phil bottle @tronic44 and @Diddums are ready!

Send me a DM or a message on the discord server please @Rumelylady

Hey folks, on Saturday 8th @5pm I am running a ‘one shot’ D&D campaign for my Tabletop friends, we have 4 people so far and we would love another one or two! You get to jump right in and make a level 5 character and smash a 5-6 hour session with me from start to finish. If you’ve ever wanted to play without getting too trapped To a campaign, then this is for you. The whole game will run on Discord and all you need is to make a character online (I can help with this) and a dice rolling app (unless you want to amazon some shiny dice like mine?) Let me know! No time wasters please, my friends aren’t ‘serious’ players (one is a newbie too) but we want to be in and out in one session 💪

Hi folks, sorry I've been a bit quiet of late, this will be addressed in my PPR! I have launched, at the request of many people in my life, an online coaching platform for the general public (not athletes). In essence, its going to put a personal trainer in your pocket - me. As most of you are aware I'm a strength and conditioning coach out of my own studio gym and a deep tissue therapist at a local clinic, I generally work with athletes and sports people to improve performance but from every avenue of my life I'm often asked LOTS of questions about how to drop body fat, increase muscle, get stronger, improve general health from the general public. I'm always happy to answer these questions but the problem with free advice is it is worth exactly that, nothing. It's not accountable and is rarely specific for the individual. So here we are now. I am going to be taking on 5 new clients to begin with because I feel this will not increase my work load too the extent that the quality of my work will drop (I have to think about my existing clients too). What do you get? Custom workout plans sent straight to your phone (I will use the app I currently use with my athletes which allows me to create custom workouts with videos showing form) based on how YOU want to train. Want to do home workouts? Great. Want to use your bike/run? Awesome. Want to start at the gym? Lets do it. Want to improve on what you already know in the gym? Simples. Flexible or rigid nutrition protocols dependant on your personality. Some people like a meal plan, some people like to have flexibility so they can pick and choose what they want to eat, either way we can work together to make sure you have the protocol in place that best suites your goal. Weekly accountability check ins with me (we use the app to track your workouts and a spreadsheet to track your nutrition - I have eyes on you at all times!) 24/7 access via WhatsApp incase you need feedback on exercise or have questions that can't wait for the check in The cost of this is going to be £99 a month. This is a rather competitive price (I pay my coach £250 a month...) but there needs to be a monetary incentive for this as that is what creates the accountability. If you've paid me £25 a week you're going to make sure you hit your workouts, follow your nutrition and fill in your accountability checks, it's a as simple as that. I wish I could offer it for free but the work it creates is very time consuming. There have been many people from FG who have asked for my advice, guidance and even to write them a program - I'm under no illusion that these people will likely not want to fork out the money to actually see the results. However, if you're lurking in the wings and you know you want to make a sustained change in your lifestyle to become healthier, lighter, heavier, stronger, faster....what ever your goal is - please don't hesitate to send me a message. Much love. Elliott

Should read, forever grilling!

Well, strangely enough your card didn’t arrive 🤔

Apologies for my sudden departure boys....there was an incident. 🤮

Happy birthday to me!

I just completed this quiz. My Score 50/100 My Time 153 seconds

World of Warcraft Classic is a 16 year old game that has grown over time to be completely something else, then stripped back to its original form. This is a game that has had almost zero changes made to it and has been released in the same way it was back in 2004. Same bugs and quirks....the whole lot. The beauty of this game? It's huge. It has so much going for it in that you have so many choices to make even before you get going. Horde or Alliance? What Race? What Class? PvP or PvE server? There are so many videos out there to watch and learn but I wanted to share one playlist with you today. If you've ever considered playing WoW but feel it's a massive undertaking then here is a link to a playlist that is a step by step guide into how to level an alliance character. The video is about levelling a warrior which are arguably the most difficult to level but the most desirable class (tank!) so any other class you pick will have a much easier time. IT's also the quickest levelling route i've ever seen, if you follow this guide to the Tee it will make you level faster than if you just bumbled around on your own. @Diddums and I play as alliance on sever Nethergard Keep. Here is the link: Alliance 1-60 leveling guide

Just needed to play something else for a little while @Plumbers Crack , promise I will be back !

I took an extended break from WoW when Maddison was born because it's a really labour intensive game. However, last week I made my return and last night I got my character to level 60 (the cap) with a time played of 6 days and 13 hours, this is just below average I would say but it depends on who you ask and wheat else you've done. My Human Rogue is a miner and engineer and has maximum level cooking and first aid. He has half of the best in slot pre-raid items so i just need to do a bit of dungeon grinding to get him raid ready. He is a picture of my triumphant moment!

That is just cold @Greboth

'Merica.

hey @AutisticGamer I bought a Noble Chair from Overclockers UK and it was the best decision I made, it's really comfortable and I can sit in it all day. It was pricey at £300 but I've been sitting in it everyday for the last 2 weeks and it's definitely a worth while investment.

currently my twitch banner, will be my YouTube banner when I get back to my Laptop tonight. I ❤️ U @Greboth

Can I keep my winnings this time @GazzaGarratt??

There she is! What a beauty @Greboth xxx

Ironically the signatures on the drop box are too big for the site, 700 pixel max. Shall have to resize!

I’m actually blown away by these @Greboth, I’ve stolen them from the drop box and will use them accordingly! Legend!

My new router has just arrived you wang! No more packet loss for me!