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GazzaGarratt

Funny shit jokes

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I need a laugh.

Come on, give us your best shit jokes of your life folks. I'll try them on the other half later!

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What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

How does a train eat?

It goes chew chew

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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purposes'

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

That last one is so Adam

Via the FG App

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Why did the dog want to sit next to a fire?

 

Because he was a Hot Dog

 

My 7 yr old cracks me up sometimes.

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Courtesy of @Diddums...

 

What does a horse sound like when he holds a chicken toy?

 

 

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A wife promised her husband she'd be home by midnight when she went out drinking with her friends...

"I'll be home by midnight, I promise." She said.

The hours passed as the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m. and a bit loaded, she headed home. Just as she walked into the door the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and 'cuckooed' 3 times. Quickly realizing that her husband might wake up, the wife cuckooed another 9 times.

She was proud of herself for coming up with such a quick witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

"Even smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equals 12 cuckoos. That's midnight!" She thought.

The next morning the husband asked his wife what time she got home last night.

"Midnight!" She replied. The husband didn't seem pissed in the least so she thought she'd gotten away with it.

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." She asked him why and he said, "Well, last night our clock 'cuckooed' 3 times then said, 'Oh shit', 'cuckooed' 4 times, cleared it's throat, 'cuckooed' 3 times, giggled, 'cuckooed' twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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2 hours ago, Dr Diamond said:

 


Rude

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 

 

A little late but at least I know you care....

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On 5/23/2017 at 6:30 AM, GazzaGarratt said:

That's amazing! I can hear Diddums singing that already.

 

 

Been singing it for years, it's actually Weebl's Stuff. Check out his channel. 

 

Also Lee, seriously dude, it's like you've just discovered the internet. First Leroy and now this. Where the fuck have you been?

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1 hour ago, Diddums said:

 

 

Been singing it for years, it's actually Weebl's Stuff. Check out his channel. 

 

Also Lee, seriously dude, it's like you've just discovered the internet. First Leroy and now this. Where the fuck have you been?

 

I think my real age is actually 4 years old.

 

LEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOOOOOOOOYY

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1 minute ago, GazzaGarratt said:

 

I think my real age is actually 4 years old.

 

LEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOOOOOOOOYY

 

 

STOP FUCKING FORUMMING AND GO HAVE FUN FOR FUCK SAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just now, Diddums said:

 

 

 

STOP FUCKING FORUMMING AND GO HAVE FUN FOR FUCK SAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

😂😂😂😂😂 Okay Dad 😘

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Capital letters

 

The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.

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