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One of the mainstream solutions floating around for fixing an overweight bod is to stop eating so much. This has been proved wrong over the years thanks to charity appeals. You can clearly see that the starving children have big swollen bellies. This isn't because of a condition called Kwashiorkor as the media would have you believe. It all comes down to "fat gene". Fat people have a not-so-micro-organism called Gene that lives in the bowels of your bod. This fella has a bakery in with him that works like a.....bakery. So no matter how much you diet or stick your finger down your throat, Gene will continue baking cakes. Hence, you stay fat. Sorry. Onto the baldness. The ideal method to keep long flowing lockes or to even grow it back (thought it was impossible didn't ya?) is too rub semen into your scalp while repeating the word "Flubblegump" over and over for at least 25 minutes. Qualified professional answer: You can never truly lose weight and......semen

I need to see if there's a plugin which allows me to like every post in a topic with one click.

Fails. Post them.

*Mark recommended this thread. I don't know how he knew but lets go....* Cal's tips on necrophilia 1 - Make sure they're ready: Before you venture down the road of necrophilia, you need to make sure your new partner is actually dead. You can accomplish this by putting your thumb in the rectum. If they are alive, they might get pissed off. If they don't flinch then you're all set to start. You could skip the testing stage by getting a shovel (or a JCB if you're really looking to party) and heading to your local hotspot. This could be a graveyard or even a retirement home if you're the patient type. 2 - Find a romantic spot: You could be the naturist type and go at it there and then but if you want to keep it intimate, I'd suggest finding a nice secluded place. A lot of people make the mistake of bringing them home for coffee. DON'T do this. The smell of.......intimacy mixed with rotting flesh can cause a dip in the sensual mood. Find a romantic abandoned warehouse or derelict house. Maybe go back to their place? It's not like they're using anyway. 3 - Set the mood: Some incense goes a long way. I recommend lavender. 4 - Prepare yourselves: KY or Smuckers will allow you and your partner have fun without that horrible chafing feeling. Your new lady/boy friend isn't in a position to get......moist, without a helping hand. 5 - Be prepared for the break-up: Your new partners hygiene might start to get to you so always keep your options open. Keep an eye on the obituary pages in the newspaper. You never know, your high school crush who you were never good enough for might get hit by a car. Bitch can't say no now.... 6 - Go at it like a rabbit and a dead hare: You're ready now for some intimacy. Remember to clean up accordingly after fun-time is over (remember the hygiene) 7 - The actual break-up: You now need to let them down lightly. Dig a fresh hole and gently lower them into it (you were in love once). You could also bring them back to their grave but the po-po might be watching. 8 - Rinse and repeat *This is by no means a real guide and I don't condone sticking your wick into the dead community. It's wrong man.

Dear Cal, I have always secretly believed that I am a camel stuck in a man's body. I secretly believe this because when I mention in and the fact I'm considering surgically adding a hump, everyone says I'm bat shit crazy and then sit at the far end of the table. However, if I instead believed I was a woman trapped in a man's body, that would be totally legit, everyone would have to use my "woman" name or be a bigot, and might even raise a fund for me to mutilate my outie into an innie. So, I guess my question is this. Which is more resistant to pests, apple trees or pear trees?

Dear Cal, I hate everyone. I don't need help or advice, I just wanted to share. Cheers!

Embrace it. Use it.

Learn from it and use this valuable knowledge to brighten up your life

What the fuck am I meant to do with this?

This fail thread is win!

Qualified professional answer: To tickle when they're lonely.

Qualified professional answer: You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense. I'd say go with changing your in and out bits. Your question is a completely valid scientific problem. Not for me though. Between the years of 1680 and 1687, there was a little bollox named Issac that lived in England and all of his neighbors couldn't stand him. He was a smart man and he knew it. He'd go around telling people stuff that they weren't interested in. He became a pest. The villagers came up with a plan at a secret town meeting to get Issac out of the village during the day. They uprooted a tree from a nearby orchard and replanted it just on the outskirts of a local farm. They wrote up a note from his "grandmother" and sealed it. A courier found Issac and told him this letter was found recently and it told of an apple tree that made you your brain absorb more information than anywhere else in the country. He set off and found the tree. He sat there every day studying his books and shit, time passed and the placebo effect took place. He actually believed he was smarter than ever. The fool. Then one day an apple fell from the tree and landed on his loaf. This made him ponder why the hell things like that happened and then he discovered gravity, wrote a book and moved away to Hollywood. His neighbors' ploy had worked and Issac was gone. Qualified professional answer: Apple tree. There's no good stories about pears.

I guess that's what happens when you are balding fat guy with warts trying to understand women

There is a simple explanation for this so I won't go into too much detail. It is because they have a sand problem. Loads of it. In the vag.

One thread is enough thanks, I'd really prefer to stay off MI5's radar for a bit longer.

Not quite what i'd call general discussion, but they are valid tips all the same!

I swear to god, if this results in a console war I'll climb through the internet and punch you both in the face.

So I'm in the process of making videos. I have the first one done, just editing my second and third. So far this is what I have. 1. Getting started with LoL 2. The meta. 3. Learn to play your lane. I'm looking for these to evolve to more advanced tutorials and informational videos. Any ideas for what I should do next? I plan on doing a jungling one next.

Do you need advice? Want to ask an Irishman his thoughts on world matters or even just what haircut to get? This is where you can ask those questions. I specialise in relationship advice as I recently became single in the past 6 months. So ask me questions and I'll make sure to give you the best answers with the worst advice.

Latest thing that pisses me off- Why the F'N media has to grab hold of one word/term and drive it right into the ground to the point where I want to rip the next persons head off that even udders it. That word......"Twerking"

Just a lil' photo I took this evening...

got it. Qualified professional answer: vag sand.

I usually don`t have a problem with it, so not everyone That said, I hate when some posts break and others don`t.

I can't believe anyone could pick somebody other than Trevor. Hands down the best character i've played with in any game, let alone just this one.

Trevor. Hands down!

FUCK YOU BEES!!!

Mmm, yes, Glocks. I'll do a write up on my Glock 22 that I've been having modified, but for now I'll give my overview of the Glock lineup. In full disclosure, I don't like Glock. They don't fit my hand all that well, the grip angle is not what I prefer, and the trigger isn't to my liking. I *can* shoot a Glock reasonably well, I'm just not as fast or as accurate as I am with my favorites. Its not a matter of familiarity, I've got thousands of rounds through Glocks thanks to it being my issued weapon with the PD. I am currently working on a little project I'm calling "Make my Glock shootable" in an attempt to overcome my objections, though. I've got a Glock 22 that I bought back from the PD when we went to the Gen 4 Glocks and I've had a trigger job done and installed a grip force adapter that changes the grip angle. Sights are up next. Glocks are marketed as being extremely reliable. This is true. However the gap between Glock and every other modern quality pistol is pretty low in real use. I've got about tens of thousands of rounds through a hand full of handguns combined (CZ, Springfield, Sig) with never a malfunction with factory ammunition. However Glocks are very tolerant of misuse and neglect. I'm not the kind of person who never lubes his pistol or drops it in a mud puddle and then just shakes it out, but they exist, and Glocks will continue to run longer under those conditions than many others. Glocks are "combat accurate". They aren't target guns. Because of their looser tolerances, they just won't hold as good a group as a tighter gun. For me, I can keep all my shots with a full sized Glock in a circle the size of a basketball at 25 yards. With my GP100 I can hold them in a circle the size of a baseball. Functional difference in a self defense shooting? Not much, either circle is still all in a human sized target's chest. Note that the Glock is capable of better groups, as I said it doesn't fit me that well, but even the best Glock shooter is never going to hold the same group as a similarly skilled 1911 shooter, target revolver shooter, etc. The slightly sloppy accuracy is a tradeoff resulting from looser tolerances in the name of reliability when full of goo or improperly lubricated or using lousy ammo, etc. etc. Glocks are a true family of weapons. Magazines interchange from the bigger framed pistols in a given caliber to the smaller ones. If your primary pistol is a Glock 22, you can use a Glock 27 as your back up, and all of your G22 magazines will also feed your G27. If your primary is out of the fight, you aren't also facing reduced ammo capacity. The trigger and grip feel is same-same across the lineup (obviously small frames will have shorter grips and won't be the EXACT same, but if you like one Glock, you'll like them all). Glocks are easy to take down and clean, the finish is tough, the polymer frame can't rust, and they truly will take a beating. Glocks are relatively inexpensive, especially for the quality that you get. Glocks have no thumb safety and are simple to learn to use properly. Now, the downside of Glocks: With the factory barrel, you can't shoot lead reloads. The type of rifling they use will fill with lead, causing the Glock to explode. Seriously. This is what started the "Glock grenade" jokes, early on people didn't realize this. The Glock does not have a fully supported chamber, it has polygonal rifling, and both of these things are bad for reloaders. If you don't care if your brass has a little bulge in it and you never shoot lead bullets (most factory ammo is copper jacketed) then you don't need to worry about this. The trigger isn't that good. This is something of a gun snob comment, but it *does* impact your ability to shoot well. The Glock trigger creeps, its gritty, it stacks, and it has quite a bit of over travel. The reset is on the long side. Gen 3 and 4 are a bit smoother than the earlier Glocks (at least Gen 2, I've never shot an original Gen 1 Glock), but still aren't what I would consider a good trigger. The ONLY major brand polymer pistol with a worse factory trigger, IMO, is the Smith & Wesson M&P lineup (excluding the Shield, which uses a different trigger system than the full sized M&Ps). This can be overcome with aftermarket trigger components and a trigger job by a competent gun smith. Note I said competent. Again, due to looseness of tolerances, Glocks need a bit of massaging. The guy who did my trigger tried 5 trigger groups before he found the one my Glock liked best, then polished everything and hand fitted it. The grip is pretty fat. The newest Glocks (Gen 4) have backstraps that come off and can be replaced, but you can't really make it much thinner. If you have smaller hands or just don't like the fat grip feel, there's nothing you can do about it. Unless you are willing to grind the polymer down, you can't change the finger grooves. Glocks are not very customizable for the individual, but this is true of most polymer pistols. You have to pull the trigger to break the gun down. The slide won't come off otherwise. You SHOULD ALWAYS MAKE SURE ANY FIREARM IS EMPTY BEFORE CLEANING, but the Glock is very unforgiving of breaking this rule. Its the only "not newbie friendly" aspect of the firearm. I also don't like the grip angle. Glock fanbois will go on and on about how its not that different and a few degrees of angle don't make any difference. It might not TO THEM, however the Glock does not natually point for me. I have to bring my wrists further down than where they naturally want to go when I point or I will shoot high. Not enough to miss at 10-20 yards, but the group does start working its way up the target. Why does this matter? Speed. A gun that you naturally point is faster to aim and faster to get back on target. Natural pointing varies greatly from individual to individual, so this may or may not apply to you. Summary: Glocks really are good guns. They do everything well, they are newbie friendly, they are deep into "good enough" territory for experienced shooters in deadly situations. They are cost effective, they are training effective (as practicing with one translates well into practicing with any of them), they are maintenance effective (little down time in stripping and cleaning). *I* just don't care for them because they aren't the best fit for me. I'm to the point in my shooting skill levels that I'm looking to shave tenths of a second off my times. I *need* a gun that works naturally with me. Would I trust a Glock to protect my life with? Absolutely. I do every time I'm back in uniform for a detail, as I have to carry the issued Glock in those circumstances. Its always in my trunk in my callout bag, along with a full duty belt, uniform, boots, etc. Would I prefer it? No. For the simple reason I'm tenths of a second faster and inches more accurate with my Sig, and in a gun fight I want every advantage I can get.

There is no real life, only AFK

The Wii U kicks both their asses. PC too. Wii U master race!

nevermind xD

Dear Cal, How do you fix overweight and balding? SIncerely, G. Castanza

I'll try this when I get home. Will report back in about 3 hours

Tip: The clothes shops and Barbers dotted around San Andreas don't allow you to take out a weapon so you can't rob them. False. If you aim at the clerk from just outside the front door, they cower and allow you to enter with any weapon drawn. You can then proceed to shoot the cash register and take the irony-ridden bag with $ written on it. May I recommend Suburban. They have 3 registers. Ponsonbys' register cannot be opened. Even with sticky bombs and RPGs. I've tried.

Most doctors or sensible people would recommend a cream that I cannot link to because wisely, I never looked into it. I recommend a nail file for the job. You can file down the unwanted bumps to optimal size to keep them stylish. If you for some reason want to get rid of them, a Gillette turbo power razor will do the job. It's a lazy method though as it only takes 0.70 seconds to remove 1 wart. Qualified professional answer: Nail file.

Yeah, thanks for the spoiler..

Wide.

Finally watched Forrest Gump for the first time last night xP Loved every minute of it.

So do we want it back or not? I've got some left over real estate at the moment but I can't guarantee that it'll stay there for very long. I agree with the PPR thing though, that's an entire forum for status updates. If people don't read your PPR, then odds are they're not too bothered about your status either.

I really don't care about the XBOX One, so.....