Funny shit jokes

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Anal with my girlfriend made my whole day but it made her hole weak.

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

 

Snowballs

 

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

This maths test can predict your favourite film. Not sure how it works but it does. Mine was Saving Private Ryan.

 

DON'T PEEK 

 

- Pick a number between 1 and 9.

- Multiply by 3.

- Add 3 to that number.

- Multiply by 3 again.

- Add the two digits together.

 

Now discover your favourite film!

1. Wolf of Wall Street

2. Godfather

3. Scarface

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. Saving Private Ryan

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Joys of Anal Sex With Male Sheep & Oiled Up Lady Boys in Asia Whorehouses 

10. Mary Poppins

 

Make sure you let me know yours....

[NCA-Paendrag 2,758]

Mary Poppins, its dead on! Spooky shit!

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

I met a girl with 12 nipples today.

 

Sounds fun, Dozen tit?

[Palle 491]

How do you break up a fight between two blind guys?

 

 

You yell 'my bet is on the guy with the knife!'

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Where do you go to weigh a whale?

 

 

A whale weigh station.

[Diddums 4,346]

9 minutes ago, GazzaGarratt said:

Where do you go to weigh a whale?

 

 

A whale weigh station.

 

 

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Two lads have just tried to get on the bus with a full drum kit, The driver told them to beat it.

 

[Diddums 4,346]

Jesus christ lee :D:D:D

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

 

 

Should have put it on aloha setting.

 

😁

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

My sister works for British Gas.

 

Do you wanna meter?

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

 

Oh sheet!

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Going to a Deodorant Party this weekend.

 

Roll on Saturday

 

😘

[Plumbers Crack 4,062]

Grandad asks granddaughter if she has a newspaper.

"No grandad, we get our news in other ways nowadays" and hands him her iPad....fly never knew what hit it!!

 

Thanks to Mrs. P for that one 😊

[Plumbers Crack 4,062]

Q: What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce?

A: Chicken Sees A Salad

 

Mrs P again!

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

My son asked: "Are these gay cows, Daddy?"

 

 

"No, they're bison," I replied.

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

I walked in the pub with my missus and the barman said, "Punching above your weight aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?"

 

"Thailand. We're getting married."

 

"You don't want to get married, That's when the blowjobs stop."

 

"I don't mind that, I hate giving her them anyway."

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

What do you call a totally unimportant elephant?

 

 

An Irrelephant

 

 

🤩

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Took my girlfriend to see the new Batman film for our 9th date. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows;

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!!

[Plumbers Crack 4,062]

😂😂😂😂

[GazzaGarratt 11,049]

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris? 

 

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris. 

 

Son: Thanks dad. 

 

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

[Nutcuttlit 359]

Toothless termite walks into a bars and says "is that bartender"

Via the FG App

[Nutcuttlit 359]

The famous hitman Shaemus O'Reilly has been caught today after beating a man using only his shoes to death in a brik a break shop. Cops say it's the first case of a Nik nak paddy whack they have ever seen!!

Via the FG App