Docwagon 856 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 As many of you know, my grandparents (both sets) raised me most of my life. This week I lost my final one. My grandmother, at the age of 87, has been in hospice for a bit over a month. She was diagnosed on Sept. 13th with cancer throughout her abdomen, originating in an ovary, and she passed this past Wednesday. I am glad to say that she had her mind about her throughout, right up to the last hours. She knew who people were, remembered events and asked questions about current happenings (like my vacation to SC). I saw her for the last time on Monday and while she slept a lot, she was definitely herself while awake. Her pain was managed pretty well, and as we'd hoped when the end came it was quick and peaceful. My son has taken it pretty well, although at 9 I'm not sure how much he fully understands it. I had agonized on if I should tell him when she was diagnosed and given a month to live, and ultimately decided not to. I simply told him she was sick and left it at that. We visited several times, and since we routinely visit anyway it wasn't much different to him except she couldn't play with him much. Wednesday I explained that she was very old and the doctors could not cure her sickness. I explained it was a very special kind of sickness and it wasn't something he should worry about for himself or his parents, told him how much she loved him and how important it was to keep good memories of her. He's done pretty well since the initial sadness, so I guess I worried too much up front. My wife has taken it pretty hard. She's known her since she's been in the US and my grandmother always made her feel welcome and part of the family. We stayed overnight at her house fairly routinely during the summer when our son is out of school, so they are pretty close. Its tough to evaluate yourself, but I think I'm doing alright. I'm more irritable than normal and more clingy to my son than usual. It looks like I'll be a pall bearer come Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TigerBurge 2,374 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Sorry to hear that Doc,my thoughts go out to you and your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason 1,245 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Sorry Doc. I know it sucks. Lost my last grandparent (grandma) last year. It's good she was still able to be herself to the end. BEARDED, FOR HER PLEASURE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BO7H B4RRELS 2,449 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I was partially raised by my grandparents as well. They're still my best friends to this day. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Hope you can keep your mind on the good times during all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diddums 4,305 Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Condolences my friend, that's a sad loss indeed. Celebrate her life, sounds like you guys had an amazing relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dattebayo 446 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm glad your final memories of her were of her being herself, and that her passing was peaceful. In a horrible situation such as this...that's the only thing one could ask for. My deepest condolences, Doc. Don't bottle it up. Spoil your fam for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Esther-Fink&lc=2356&pid=172919642&mid=6170079#.VExCONgdqkB.facebook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Commander_Undies 618 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 So sorry to hear about your loss, Doc! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techno 3,477 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My condolences Doc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BO7H B4RRELS 2,449 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Esther-Fink&lc=2356&pid=172919642&mid=6170079#.VExCONgdqkB.facebook What is "7" ? A card game? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 What is "7" ? A card game? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sevens_(card_game) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BO7H B4RRELS 2,449 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sevens_(card_game) Oh, okay, cool. I've heard of Crazy 7's before. My great grandpa was big into card games. He used to love to play Rummy. Every time I play it, I think of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JsinOwl 644 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 So sorry to hear this Doc. Her legacy will live on in you and little Doc. A legacy I think she can be very proud of. If you decide to put your dick in crazy, be ready to change your phone number and relocate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 My grandmother had a large family as you can tell from her obituary. Her visitation is today. I'm sure it will be crawling with people who neglected to cherish her while she was alive who want their piece of her now. Her children were always loving and spent time with her, but most of her grandchildren didn't come around that often. I occupy some odd middle ground. Not one of the children, but since I lived with her for so long not really just one of the grandchildren, either. I've stepped back from it all as my input is neither needed nor desired. That upsets me in a way, but after dealing with 100% of the details of end care and funeral arrangements for my other grandmother it also relieves me. She was the glue that held many of us together. The family is spread out with only a small core left around the Louisville area. Odds are strong I'll never see most of my aunts and uncles again. I'm just one of many many many nieces and nephews to most of them. I'm only close with one aunt, the one we spend Christmas with, and we're 500 miles apart. I'm not going to the visitation today. I visited her while she was alive and have no need to visit the body she used to inhabit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dattebayo 446 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 My grandmother had a large family as you can tell from her obituary. Her visitation is today. I'm sure it will be crawling with people who neglected to cherish her while she was alive who want their piece of her now. Her children were always loving and spent time with her, but most of her grandchildren didn't come around that often. I occupy some odd middle ground. Not one of the children, but since I lived with her for so long not really just one of the grandchildren, either. I've stepped back from it all as my input is neither needed nor desired. That upsets me in a way, but after dealing with 100% of the details of end care and funeral arrangements for my other grandmother it also relieves me. She was the glue that held many of us together. The family is spread out with only a small core left around the Louisville area. Odds are strong I'll never see most of my aunts and uncles again. I'm just one of many many many nieces and nephews to most of them. I'm only close with one aunt, the one we spend Christmas with, and we're 500 miles apart. That is a shame. It's pretty crazy to see how one person held an entire family togther I'm not going to the visitation today. I visited her while she was alive and have no need to visit the body she used to inhabit. Understandable decision. It's hard to see loved ones in those situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stretch616 697 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sorry to hear the news Doc. Sounds like you 2 had a really special bond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drifter 851 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I am glad to say that she had her mind about her throughout, right up to the last hours. That's the most important thing right there Doc. Just last month I attended the funeral for the Mom of a guy that was my best friend from the time we were 4-25 yrs old and she had dementia for the past couple yrs where she did not know anyone in her family. She didn't even know her own husband of 56 yrs. To me when someone gets in that condition that is a fate even worse than death so be thankful your grandma was still herself and had 87 great years on this earth with people she cared about. Hang in there bud, especially tomorrow, being a pallbearer is a hard thing to do. I've had to do it way too many times for my liking with my own family members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plumbers Crack 4,035 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Thoughts and condolances are with you Doc Thanks to Capn_Underpants for the artwork Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 That's the most important thing right there Doc. Just last month I attended the funeral for the Mom of a guy that was my best friend from the time we were 4-25 yrs old and she had dementia for the past couple yrs where she did not know anyone in her family. She didn't even know her own husband of 56 yrs. To me when someone gets in that condition that is a fate even worse than death so be thankful your grandma was still herself and had 87 great years on this earth with people she cared about. Hang in there bud, especially tomorrow, being a pallbearer is a hard thing to do. I've had to do it way too many times for my liking with my own family members. Thanks, and this will be the 3rd time for me for family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 I appreciate everyone's condolences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterioration 443 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Sorry to read. Solace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kylebees 242 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Doc, I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Docwagon 856 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I had a good day today. As soon as I saw the body I instantly knew she was at peace. The body is just an artifact, a thing to make us remember. She is beyond pain and concern. I said my goodbyes while she was alive and I have my memories and lessons from her. The funeral wasn't something I needed for closure, nor was it something I felt involved with. I'm glad its there for people who did, but I just wasn't one of them. This is the most at ease I've ever felt burying someone close to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drifter 851 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 That's good to hear man, I'm glad today was so much peaceful for you. It takes a hard emotional person sometimes, yet others, it's hard as hell for some people(has been at times for me) just hard to deal with at times. Glad today was good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palle 491 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 So sorry to hear this man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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