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Wow, this is in some ways like looking in a mirror. As most of the folks here know, I've also overcome a drug addiction. It got so bad, I left the country because my willpower wasn't enough. I have never had a father, my grandparents were always there for me and my mother went through hell and high waters to give me the best she could, despite every month having to count the pennies. What I'll say is this: This isn't the time for you to be down about stuff like this. This is an opportunity. It's a time for you to lose the shackles you have, and start living your own life. It's always shit to lose people who you can depend on, but it does teach you to fend for yourself and become a stronger person. Your breakup with your girlfriend might have been exactly what you need. If you were in a stale relationship, there's really no point staying. See this as an opportunity to find someone new, someone exciting, someone you want to buy flowers for and spend time with. Until then, use this time to think about your priorities in life. It sounds to me like you're in a rut and need a change. Sometimes changing one aspect of your life is enough, sometimes it's better to change as much as you can. In this case, your relationship was stale, your job is stale, you're potentially losing some loved ones (sorry if that came out wrong), so it's time for you to throw your life up in the air and see how you land. Career wise, a change of environment can make a massive difference. I changed job recently having spent 4 years working for the same company. I do pretty much exactly the same thing, except for a different firm. I'm loving it. I work crazy hours, 12 of them a day, but I also get tons of time off. I make a decent living, and I'm generally happy with my position. Even if you're doing the same thing in a different firm, a change of environment can make a huge change. I found a person who is just as fucked up as me and we got married. She became my new rock. We're now married and living happily. She keeps me on the straight and narrow, and it sounds to me like this is what you need too. Focus first on finding a job which will make you happy again. This will in turn boost your confidence, which will help when looking at girls. When you lack confidence, any old girl will do, but if you're feeling good about yourself, odds are you'll look a bit deeper and find a woman who suits you better. Don't see this change as a bad thing. You're young, you have a few years left in you, but just ask yourself this: what are you going to do to get the most out of them?

I really don't know why I'm even writting this, just need to get some of this out and this is the only forum I'm on and although I don't talk to many of you much this place is probably the best corner of the net. So I'm in a rough spot lately. For anyone that read the drugs thread on the old forum know that I started messing with that stuff early and sold and was heavily addicted to coke until about the age of 23. I lived off and on with my dad from 10-16 but he was never really around even when I lived there. I have very little contact with him today even though we live in the same city. My mom is going through a pretty rough divorce and the guy she is divorcing I was very close to but he straight up lied to me and had been having an afair for over a year. He is actually the only older male I've ever been close to and looked to him for guidance. I haven't talked to him in about 4 months. Along with this my grandma has COPD. They have given her about 6 months to live. I lived with my grandma off and on all through my childhood and also lived with her from 16-18 and after I got back from Job Corps in Utah. She has pretty much always been my rock. I've been with a girl for about 5 years that I've honestly never thought was forever. Earlier this month I finally had the balls to sit down and talk to her because we want such different things. She wants marraige and kids and I honestly couldn't see that with her. I know I never seen myself marrying her and having kids scare the hell out of me. My parents were not the best parents and I'm afraid of failing. Also I know that if anything ever happened to one of my kids I would not be able to recover. I know I wouldn't recover I know I would relapse and I know I would not come out of it. I love kids to death and everyone says what a great dad I would be but I don't think I have the balls for it. Now to the main reason for posting. I'm 27 and I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life and don't know what to do. I'm not happy with my job I've been at for 7 years. I work for Wells Fargo and I'm on the computer all day but I don't know what I want to do. I've got comfortable here and stopped caring. I feel like the only time I'm happy is when I'm alone and find something to turn my brain off. I've started drinking more than I should again and right now it helps but I know it wont keep helping. I've thought about stuff I know I shouldn't do but I feel like my will power to stay away from it is becoming less and less every week. I've gotten out of shape yet can't find the energy to get out and workout like I used to love doing. Honestly for the most part real life interaction with people lately just stresses me out more and tires the shit out of me to the point that I lock myself in my apartment most nights and when I get to work I put on my headphones and don't talk to anyone. I feel like it takes me a week just to recover from going out and hanging out with people although I still try to do it so my family will stop worrying. I think I've been depressed for a long time yet don't want to see a dr because I hate the pills they normally push on me. Basically I feel like I'm losing everything that meant something to me in my life and I don't know what I can do to fix it. I always like to be in control and lately I feel lost and don't know what the hell to do. Does anyone know how to break out of this funk without the use of pills? I hate how the shit they normally prescribe make me feel or not feel. I feel like a fkn zombie with the shit they put me on and I would rather be pissed off at the world than have no feeling at all.

I'm not even joking, I won another $500 this morning on the same exact scratch off ticket as the last one!!! I feel like the big winner is coming though!!!! And Mike, it's great to hear about your triumphant return to night driving!! I'm really happy for you.

Getting completely off topic here but what I truly believe would help with that is eliminating kill/death ratio as a tracked stat. Without it there wouldn't be any point in a lot of the cheap tactics people use.

i have nothing constructive to offer, i just enjoy listening to The Men drop sage wisdom amongst themselves. (except that McNasty's computer chip would have to be gender-neutral -- being a fuck-up is an equal opportunity occupation. god i'm so PC it's annoying even to me.)

Holy hell Bee's, with your luck if you fell into a pool of shit you'd come out wearing a new suit!!

Jason, that is awesome. I love hearing about things like that. I actually work with a girl whose Husband won $1 Million dollars on a scratch off. I actually use to work with him years ago. Good people to have it happen to.

May as well tell you guys about my wife's lotto experience the other day. My wife has a dream the night before she played the numbers. She dreamed I had a 101 degree temperature and wasn't feeling well. The next morning she saw that one of her Facebook friends kids had a 101 degree temperature, Sooooooooo as you might guess she played the pick three. 101 came out exactly. We won over 600 bills because she played it straight and boxed. Now if I can get her dreaming the mega millions numbers we'd be set.

I'd fucking love to man, but I just don't have the house to myself any more. I get too frustrated when I try and record and my housemate walks around, she makes one little sound and then spends half an hour apologizing loudly for making that sound. Shame, she's a lovely girl but intelligence just isn't her thing.

That one Random that me and Stretch chased all the way around the map! He tried losing us in a tram... Bitch please, we will find you and we will kill you!

Well I guess I'm retarded...... Go home Cal, I'm drunk.... wait wut?

Jordie getting a sandy vag xD

it was fucking hilarious when you rammed me off the road hahahahah

Jordie I already made a thread about this

what game were you playing!

Honestly there was nothing my family could have done for me, they tried till they were blue in the face. In my 20's I use to drink a fifth and half of Vodka almost daily, I couldn't hold a job, I wouldn't come home at night, the only job I could hold was a bouncer at a bar and that was just because I could drink when working and liked to fight, I hung out with low lifes and people that were the bottom of the barrel, I stole from the people I loved, I was the kind of person I have since come to despise. My family did everything they could to reach me. They helped financially, they helped emotionally, they helped physically by picking me up when I was in a bad part of town or bailing me out of jail and giving me a place to stay, they tried talking to me, reasoning with me, getting mad at me, crying and showing how I hurt them, even getting me help in the form of a grief counseler at one point. Pretty much they did everything humanly possible to get me to turn my life around. Yep that is exactly what I am saying. My family did everything yet I would not change till I was ready. It's the same thing with smoking, drinking or drugs. The only person that can make a change is that person themselves by wanting to change. I think at some point in every persons life they finally are ready to make that change it's just that some people wait too long and lose the opportunity to do so and those are the ones people view as a lost cause. I use to view them as a lost cause as well, but now I view them as people that just simply have not reached that point of wanting to change within. Something needs to happen within for someone to make a change, it's not something that anyone but that person themselves can initiate either. You can try to change someones mind but they won't honestly change till they change their heart. And you can't change someones heart, that's something that has to come from within.

She's a lot of work.

I admit that I completely missed the point there Drifter, sorry for that; and thank you for the clarification

so i know this stuff is personal, but i really dug your post Drifter and i'm wondering what, if anything, your family/friends did or could have done to reach out to Young Rascally Drifter twenty years ago. might be helpful (not just for Sennex, but everyone). or maybe what you're saying here is that, yes, sometimes some people can't be helped, but that said, it's not impossible for people to eventually help themselves (and in case that happens, you don't want to have completely burned bridges)?

I think your missing the point of what I said and the meaning of that quote to be honest. I'm not saying to help her or the kids out financially or even to have any relationship at all with her right now. All I am saying by that quote ...is to not "hate" her. As unlikely as it may seem to you, people can change. At one point in my life I was a drunken low life that would steal and con his family to get what I wanted. Now I am probably one of the most honest straight forward guys that would do anything for my family and give a stranger the shirt off my back if he was in trouble. The likelyhood of me changing 20 years ago was not very probable, but one day I just finally grew up and realized I needed to be a man and grow up and change, and I did. If my family would have just gave up and hated me then who knows if I ever would have made that change. So the point I was trying to make with that quote/my previous post is not to tell you to help her or even talk to her if you don't want too... but all I am saying is to don't hate her and completely shut the door on any future chance of reconciliation because even though the chance of her changing may be slim, there is still a chance she may one of these days. People can surprise you when you least expect it, I'm living proof. So all I'm saying is don't shut that door completely is all. Just leave it open a crack just in case.

Don't know what you're talking about Tam.

I remember the great fire of 2012. lol

This is for Euan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr7Zlk_hJYY

That was ace chasing that dude round the map! I loved it when we cornered him up on a ledge, parked the cars next to him and then used the jerry can on the cars! Totally up for more shennanigans when i'm on next

It's gotten a bit rancid at this stage but he used to be xD

My brain doesn't stop til it hurts

That's a interesting theory Cal.

I use Shergar in me tea.

So that's what happened to Shergar

The hookers are shit Tommy. What you need is to get a strippers like bar filled by breathing heavily into your mic while getting a private dance. If you own an apartment, you can then bring her back to bump uglies. Unless it's Fufu. Fufu's shit.

The lad who tried to sneak out of his garage xD Someone had a bounty on him for stealing Stretches car. No one saw the theft but me and I had my mic turned off at this point. So we all chased him into his apartment while he hid there. I proceeded to set his doorstop on fire as you do. No one noticed his garage door open and he just bulleted out. I got him through his back window though. There's no escaping FG13.

So last night was fantastic. Randoms died. We died. Races were won. Races were lost. More randoms died. Bountys were placed. Bountys were collected. Even more randoms died. Brede! You would've loved it!

Well those are 2 of my 3 favourite scenes. Good job sir. This isn't the greatest movie ever but the first part of this scene is incredible. It was filmed with one camera in one take with no editing. Massive credit to the makers, stuntmen and Tony Jaa

Reminds me of a story. Remember the "things your dad taught you" thread? Remember I said "Never take Eddie to town" on that one? Yeah, same Eddie. I worked as a laborer on a construction site in my teens. My dad and Eddie were both experienced carpenters. There were several other guys, many that I never learned the real names of, but the one of note for this story was Thomas J. Turdbucket, Esq. I have no idea why they called him that, but that was what everyone on the site called him. Tommy Turdbucket or Tommy for short. Tommy spent the majority of his pay on weed and didn't have a car, so Eddie took him back and forth to work. As such Tommy was familiar with Eddie's truck and where Eddie kept things. Anyone who's worked outside in the Indiana weather knows that in the fall and spring the weather can swing quite a bit, temperature wise, from morning to night. Eddie kept a sweatshirt behind his seat in case it got too cool and he hadn't dressed for it. Well, one day Tommy got cold and decided he'd had enough being cold so he went to Eddie's truck to get the sweatshirt. This would have been comical enough, as about 3.25 Tommies can fit inside one Eddie. Tommy comes back to the site and yells out, "Hey, Eddie. I borrowed your sweatshirt." Eddie is on the other side of the house hanging brick freeze and can't see Tommy. Eddie, "The red one or the gray one?" Tommy, "The gray one." Eddie, "....that's my wipe rag." Tommy, ".....what's a wipe rag? Like for oil?" At this point we all look over and see Tommy in a gray sweatshirt with...chalky stripes on it. Eddie, "No, for like when I pick up some whore and need to clean my dick afterward. You didn't put it on, did you?" Tommy now doesn't know weather he should shit or go blind. He desperately wants it off, but doesn't want to touch the outside again to pull it off. Tommy, " *random spluttering* WIPE YOUR DICK??? *random spluttering*" and runs back toward Eddie's truck. I'm not sure why. He apparently gets the shirt off in some fashion and comes back pissed at Eddie for "being a dirty motherfucker who leaves a dick wipe rag in his truck." Eddie points out that Tommy should have asked to borrow the shirt before going into his truck in the first place and he can kindly shut the fuck up about it or walk home that day. Tommy shut the fuck up.

Have no headset so it was pretty much impossible to follow what you guys were doing. I just took a heli and followed for a while but then I got kind of bored. I made my first emblem this morning

Well, I recently put this in my PPR, but it made me so excited I want to contribute it to this thread. Background: When I was 16, I got into a bad car accident (not my fault) which in the end made me an epileptic. Because of that, I wasn't able to drive anymore, doctors orders. It gradually got worse and I ended up having a temporal lobectomy done (which was all documented in my PPR on the MW2forum). I had some seizures through the healing process of the surgery, but I haven't had a seizure since. So now onto my happy story! Just this past Friday night, for the first time since I was 16 years old (the night of my accident), I actually got the courage up to drive at night. I drove for about an hour with my relative and it made me really happy. For the first time, I wasn't scared of the lights and even though I was really tense the whole time, it made me feel at peace. Needless to say, I can't wait until my next nighttime outing.

Saw this line posted on another forum ... 'Moyes spent 11 years trying to get Everton above Man UTD and now he's finally done it'.