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Most likely not exciting for you blokes at all, but here is my FUCK YEA!!!! Years ago the Dept of Education created the "90/10 rule" "The 90/10 rule requires for-profit colleges to get no more than 90% of their revenues from Title IV federal student aid." For years now at work, we have been asking the bean counters to let us run the numbers for this, but they wouldn't, it was to important for "IT" to get a hold of, and to screw up. There was also some moaning that SQL databases couldn't handle the # of equations involved in this and only Excel could accurately handle it. (Actual quote from the head Accountant, OMG I laughed so hard, in his face when he said it to me. So the Accounting department created this huge series of spreadsheets that pull data from our Financial Aid database (SQL), then they perform this huge series of really poorly written calculations against it, and let it chug along. A 3.2ghz quad core, 12gb Ramm system, with nothing on it but Office, takes about 36 hours for Excel to finish running and spit out the final answer. God help you, if you try to even move the mouse in that period of time as the whole thing could screw up. Figure this thing is parsing a grand total of 556732 payments and invoices, sorting them down into one record for every student for 40869 total records (Yes, these are actual number of records). Then it Codes each item to what type it is, and then tallies it all. From there it starts breaking things apart by Pell, Sub, Unsub, Credit Card, GAE, DANTES, Cash, Scholarship, etc... Super complex to say the least. About 3 weeks ago, I finally had enough of all the bitching about this report, and how hard it is. So I swiped a copy of all of it, and I started recreating it all in SQL. I finished it Wednesday, and presented it to the Presidents Council yesterday morning. While there, we all caught a change from the DoE that was missed and that I didn't know about. They asked me to correct the report and come back next week when the re-run was complete. I changed it on the spot, reran all the numbers, and had a new answer for them within 5 minutes. The accountants didnt' believe me that it could be run that fast, so I ran it again with them watching. And then again, and again, etc.... It only takes about 27 seconds (Depending on server load) for SQL to do what it took Excel 36+ hours. They were not happy with me to say the least. But my boss, and the CIO grabbed me for lunch and want to send me to DBA classes so I can be a proper SQL admin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBLDBDFRp6E

Flip side of the coin vs. the grinding gears thread I feel we need a positive story outlet. It might be misconstrued into a "cool story bro" brag post thread but I'm chill with it because I like hearing other peoples triumphs, any size, be them personal, professional, financial or otherwise. < That rhymes At times reading about others good fortune picks me up if I'm feeling down. Like Bees winning loot on scratchies. Thats awesome! I’ll start by sharing: last night I officially converted from oil to natural gas as my primary heating fossil fuel. I’ve been in my house 4 years last month and the rising cost of oil has shit hammered me into investing in an alternative. Our oil boiler, which did heat and hot water - I have radiator heat, was running well below 70% efficiency. I got a Rinnai combi unit that does both heat and hot water at 95% efficiency. Which is awesome because if we’re using hot water it will only fire up for what we use and then turn off; also it will burn at a lower percentage if we aren’t hard on the hot water. The old boiler burned at 100% every time it kicked on. My plumber was curious so I got my pay slips and calculated it cost me $4,800 in oil last year. I never let the tank get below 1/2 so sludge wouldn’t get sucked through the line, clog the filter and have me stinking like oil for 2 days because I had to do minor maintenance, but in the winter I was calling every month for deliveries. Now I don’t have to call anyone! Very excited and can’t wait to see what the savings will be!

LOL sorry, a pony is a pony to this homy

I still kick myself for not being able to get tickets for his show at Barona Casino...

Fap fap fapping actually does help......

Please tell me I'm not the only one who saw *fap fap fap*

Buy a proper PC you spanner.

You know, I don't think I want to play the beta. I think I'd rather just wait a few extra weeks and have the complete, unrestricted story right off the bat.

heyarp!!

Socrates, one of the greatest Brazilian midfielders of all time was a 40 a day man, just saying. Seriously though, Wilshere's being a bit of an idiot, the physical condition of players these days is the highest it's ever been, smoking won't do him any favours, from health or profile point of view. Can't you tell I've been smoke free for a week, with all this preaching!!

And now Rich is adding you so youre back to square 1 :/

Start your own Fight Club. Hey, it worked for Edward Norton. Put that imposing 6"6 frame to use! BST, try taking up boxing at the gym. It's a great stress reliever and mind-occupier.

Dude that is really funny. Because I have had to have a "white noise" like a fan or AC to sleep since I was a teen or I just can't sleep lol

I finally got online! Rank 4 and I've won a bike race against a randomer. I came across 2 lads who were robbing a liquor store so I...........moved their car across the street xD The cops then showed up and I watched a fire fight. One of them hurled abuse at me for not helping so I helped.......the cops. I then finished of the police and took the takings for myself. While hiding in an alleyway, I deposited the cash into my bank using the phone and escaped. I saw the lads trying to join my game but I kept getting kicked into a different lobby Can't wait to get on with a mic and have the banter. Airport was locked for me too

The fat bitch at my daughters school. She grinds my gears. Always parks in front of the door where we pick our kids up. Everyone uses the parking lot like we're supposed to. Not her. Lazy bitch parks right in front of the door. She always comes in to pick her kid up on the phone. Ive never seen her without her phone stuck to her fat face. Talks loud as shit while Im trying to talk to my daughters teacher. In general I dont believe in hitting women... but... Id like to punch that gorilla in the mouth.

EUROGAMER 2013 Well, that was good!! Met up with Dave Cator at London Liverpool Street and travelled to Earls Court quite quickly, getting there about 10 minutes after opening to be met by a queue of approx 2 - 3,000 people! but it moved through fairly quickly No sign of Rich, Cal and the others with all day tickets and a quick call revels they're waiting on bacon sarnies Earls Court is a big place and it quickly developed into a big place full of queues! Upstairs in the 18+ are we started of with Battlefield 4 (queue time approx 1 hour) played on XBones - amazing even on those gimpy XB controllers!! well worth the wait to play one battle and I think this will be on my Crimbo wish list if not earlier. Queue wait was also livened by being lucky enough to catch a BF4 T-shirt being lobbed out randomly to the hordes Still no sign of the rest of the "all dayers" Back down stairs to CoD Ghosts (QT just under an hour). This was not quite so impressive and also played on the dreaded XBone. This time I couldn't figure out how to start the bloody game and the alloted time was for a TDM so, with a couple of guys on the otherside who knew what they were doing it was all over very quickly. From what I saw and the action I managed to get I think that Ghosts is probably run and gun and BF4 is more a thinking man's game Still no sign of the guys with all day tickets (they're waiting for Tam to get out of the shower) so we stopped for a pizza then on to the Sony PS4 (QT about 40 mins to get into the area) to try out the next gen console CELEBITY ALERT!!! - spotted Jason Bradbury from The Gadget Show in the PS4 area Once you got into the PS4 area you're given two tickets to try different games and each one was valid for about 6 different games. Reasonably good idea to keep the waiting times down so we decided first of all to try DriveClub. Stunning graphics especially when compared to the PS3 drive game (Gran Tourismo 6) being shown outside of the area. All I can say are my memories are correct and I can confirm I am worse at driving games than FPS but it gave me a good laugh The we queued for another FPS, Backlight I think which was letting you play a complete round of the game but my legs were shot so it was "Dave, gimme your bag. You queue for a go " and I sat on the floor. 10 minutes later Mister C had done the maths and had worked out with 6-7 people in front of him taking 8-10 minutes to complete a go on the game.....naah! Still no sign of the others so we go for a wander around the smaller stands which were quite interesting and the retro area bringing back early computing memories - Doom anyone? Loads of the old machines as well Then, just before 5.00.....text "We're here and getting our wristbands!" then "we're at the bar" (naturally! ) and so we have.... Cal, Tam, Jenna and Rich Rich Euan and Stretch Dylan, Kyla (Diddum's better half) and Rich......anyone spotted Rich's plan yet? Dave C, Dave (Didds) and....Rich Having taken refreshments and worked out who was who we gave them the low down on what we'd seen etc and the agreement was "try BF4" which was upstairs.....in the over 18 section. We tried but withou age ID it was no go for Dylan so while the others went off he and I wandered around the main hall and got a photo opportunity for him I can't for the life of me work out why he wanted his picture taken with this young lady!! Reunited with the others we mooch around the rest of the show, Didds buys a graphics card, we mooch, Didds pre-orders BF4 to get some free stuff then at 6.55 the PA gives out that the gig is over and please leave. So what shall we do?...... You got it!! Dave and Rich in an intense debate, about Lego I think Apparently Jenna was the only one to remain sober the previous evening Someone comments that Euan and Dylan look like they're from the same family rather than Dylan and Tam being brothers. They didn't think much of this for some reason...... ...but it all ended amicably!! And so it ended, the first real Forum Meet-Up and we found out that we're all a pretty likeable bunch who seem to get along well. This is obviously sanitised sober version from the show. What went on back at Diddums flat I just don't know and will wait to see the photos which they'll hopefully post when they eventually wake up! We gotta do it again!!

Stretch, Cal, Rich, The Man!