9 years ago today, a desperate plan came to fruition

[Docwagon 856]

On Sept 13th, 2004, a man who had fled to a war zone to save himself from himself was able to marry a woman who was brave enough to go against her family and her culture in the name of love.

 

In the summer of 2003 the man had an epiphany.  For reasons that are irrelevant to this story, he realized he needed to start over before his behaviors destroyed him.  He remembered the last place he'd been happy was the military, but with his fucked up knee he'd probably not get far in trying to reenlist.  He also wanted more freedom than an enlisted man had.  So he became a security contractor, moved half way around the world away from all influences and alcohol, and before Christmas of that year he was in a foreign country watching the sand blow around.

 

She was living with her parents, as is the custom of her land for unmarried women, and working as a pharmacist.  She'd had an arranged marriage planned, but it had fallen through when the man had immigrated to another country before they were actually married.  She was young, beautiful, and with a respectable career.  She had no shortage of suitors, she had taken to wearing a ring and pretending it was a wedding ring because she got so many proposals in a day.  Wealthy men, men of local fame from the media and the government services attempted to catch her eye.  None did.  She originally thought he was Lebanese, as he was sundark from working in the desert heat and dressed in local fashion.  He spoke Arabic poorly, though, and he was in fact an American.  She had nothing against Americans, she'd lived in Kuwait during the Iraqi invasion, and like the native Kuwaitis remembered US soldiers as liberators.  Still, Americans were an unknown quantity, often looking for a short term relationship that would destroy a woman's reputation and chances of a respectable marriage.  She initially was leery of the American, but finally relented and went out with him for dinner and a beach visit.  He invited her to his upcoming birthday party, she agreed to attend.  They would have their first kiss.  Love would blossom.  They would consider marriage.

 

Her father initially agreed, but due to pressure applied by the brothers for reasons that are unimportant to this story, withdrew his consent.  This made marriage impossible in the country they were in, as his signature was required for a legal marriage.  They created a plan that was both simple and devious.  She would say she wanted to fly to Jordan, where they maintained a home, to forget about the American.  He would fly to Jordan with all of the required paperwork.  Jordan did not require the father's signature because of the earlier arranged marriage, he had already signed stating she could be married and Jordan didn't require him to say WHO she could marry, just that she could.  Over the course of weeks she brought clothing and documents, he took them and stored them in his house.  She flew out on the 8th of Sept.  He flew out on the 10th.  Her father would fly out on the 14th, which would greatly limit her movement, as he would want to spend the time with her.  On the 9th he received a call from a lawyer in Jordan he'd hired to research and was told he needed many more documents than what they'd already gathered.  The details are unimportant to this story, but he was hard pressed to gather them and there were some shady dealings, but he got it done.

 

The plan was almost destroyed due to bureaucrats and a religious holiday.  They were unable to marry on the afternoon of the 10th, as had been the original plan.  He hired a fixer.  The fixer, The Chechnyan was very resourceful, drove them to multiple embassies to get required documents and stamps.  He stole court documents, he may have kidnapped and/or bribed a sheik to do the ceremony, it was never quite clear which.  Like I said, Jordan's not real picky as long as the right people get paid.  The details are unimportant to this story.  For the price of a lawyer who thought he could get it done in a few months, months they didn't have, he made it happen for the couple on the Express plan.  They were married on the 13th of September, 2004, in the living room of a man they'd known for all of 3 days, in front of witnesses he'd hurriedly gathered from his neighbors.  There were no pictures.  They were in a hurry, she needed to return before her cousins grew suspicious.  He had not thought to bring a camera, his nerves were raw.  She returned to her home, he to his hotel, to await their marriage certificate.

 

The Chechnyan went to the court to get the certificate, knowing there were "irregularities" in the packet of documents but also knowing how Muslim cultures work he said this was best.  He told them we'd already left on our honeymoon, which they would understand to mean if they revoked the marriage she would be unable to find a proper marriage again.  The Chechnyan returned with the certificate, legally binding in any Muslim country and with it, one could get a civil certificate binding in the US.  In gratitude, when The Chechnyan refused to take any additional money, he bought a mattress and box spring. He knew that the one The Chechnyan and his wife slept on was worn out and they suffered from back pain because of it.  The Chechnyan had no choice but to accept, as he knew it would go to waste if he did not, and his honor was not impugned by accepting the gift.

 

He only had to get his bride away from her family to spirit her away.  He was now familiar enough with Muslim culture to know there were places that unescorted women could go that no man could enter, such as a hair salon.  He told her to make sure she had her passport and to go get her hair done.  Sure enough, her father dropped her off with the understanding he would pick her up again in 3 hours.  The Chechnyan pulled up, she came back out of the hair salon, and he drove her to the hotel where her groom was waiting, not willing to risk the father seeing him if he went to pick up his bride.  The Chechnyan took the couple to the airport, where they would fly back to Qatar.  He gave his cell phone to The Chechnyan.  Just before the plane closed its doors and the no electronics message was read, she sent a text to her father telling him not to pick her up, that she was with The American in a private cab on the way to Syria to be married.  The false trails were laid.

 

The Chechnyan would call him a few days later and say that yes, the father had called the phone.  Yes, he'd told him that he'd bought the phone from an American at the airport in Damascus for a very good price because he was flying to the USA with his new bride.  The false trails were complete.

 

In an abundance of caution, they would fly to Cyprus two months later and get married again in a civil ceremony.  The documentation was cleaner, it was in English, it would be a much easier presentation for her visa to move to the US with him.  They would continue to celebrate the 13th as their anniversary, though, because that's when they knew that the law, her family, and the culture couldn't keep them apart any longer.

 

The couple had a son.  Once his contract was up, they moved to the US and built a life.  It wasn't always easy.  There were adjustments, there were misunderstandings, there were some tough times and some hard work, but they built a life.

 

He was forever changed.  His anger subsided, he adjusted, he learned moderation.  He had, quite frankly, been a gigantic dick for much of his life.  He realized that she was much too good for him, and he strove to be who she deserved.  He failed.  He backslid.  He still does, but he's a much better human being for the trying.

 

She is, he believes, happy.

 

God send that it remains so.

[Jason 1,245]

Nice story. I could really see it playing out in my head.

Glad everything worked out.

Can I ask, is she still in contact with her father?

[Docwagon 856]

Nice story. I could really see it playing out in my head.

Glad everything worked out.

Can I ask, is she still in contact with her father?

 

They reconnected for awhile via telephone and e-mail, but could not maintain the relationship.  It was simply a bridge too far and they could not reconcile long term.  I'm not sure that *I* understand all the cultural implications, but what she did is simply not done, which is why the false trails were laid even after the marriage.  It is difficult to express her bravery in this, bucking her culture and family.  Its difficult to express the level of trust she put in me to make it happen, to not betray her or leave her behind (which many people told her I would), etc.  It is humbling to this day to think about.

[uberwarrior 373]

Wow Doc, that is some story.

 

If things are meant to be then they will happen, your commitment to each other is and obviously has been extremely strong, I wish you both continued happiness

[Plumbers Crack 4,062]

Happy anniversary Mr and Mrs Doc and may you have many more of them

God bless you both

[TigerBurge 2,375]

Doc that my sir was an amazing story. Like Jason said it was like it was playing out in my head. Congratulations to the both of you. I couldn't imagine how difficult that must of had been for the both of you

[JsinOwl 644]

Wow, just wow, that's incredible. Thank you for sharing your tale. Now for the questions:

 

-What did her mother think of all this? Are they still in contact?

-Did you court her in Arabic, or did she speak English?

-Where did you fly to after handing your phone to the Chechnyan? The USA and then return to Lebanon to finish out your contract?

-While you completed your contract, did you have fear of reprisal?

-What move did you use to get her out on that first date, it must have been Shephard smooth.

-That is seriously novel material, especially being non-fiction, honestly, I think you could sell your story.

-Now I really want to a picture of this Arabian Princess wife of yours. Preferably one without you in it, screwing it up.

[Chookes 965]

That's an incredible story, thanks for sharing.

[JsinOwl 644]

That's an incredible story, thanks for sharing.

plagiarist. 

[Chookes 965]

plagiarist.

How I got through school, still in the habit.

[Docwagon 856]

Wow, just wow, that's incredible. Thank you for sharing your tale. Now for the questions:

 

-What did her mother think of all this? Are they still in contact?

-Did you court her in Arabic, or did she speak English?

-Where did you fly to after handing your phone to the Chechnyan? The USA and then return to Lebanon to finish out your contract?

-While you completed your contract, did you have fear of reprisal?

-What move did you use to get her out on that first date, it must have been Shephard smooth.

-That is seriously novel material, especially being non-fiction, honestly, I think you could sell your story.

-Now I really want to a picture of this Arabian Princess wife of yours. Preferably one without you in it, screwing it up.

 

Her mother was on her side but unwilling to go against the father and brothers.  They are not.  She still has contact with some of her brothers that didn't side against her.

 

English.  Unless we were going to discuss my desire for tea or converse about the Three Bears, my Arabic wasn't going to cut it.  I spoke about as well as a dim kindergartner.

 

Qatar.  We didn't enter the states until November of '05.

 

While?  Yes, very much so.  It had to be secret or he could simply send her to Jordan or Kuwait and essentially hide her from me.  Afterward, not as much but it was a possibility, hence the false trails and she basically lived in hiding for many months afterward.  Even afterward she didn't go out of the house without me and I always employed counter intelligence methods while we were out.  I also made no secret of my more violent talents.

 

I have no idea.  Women just like me.  I talk to them like regular people and am not intimidated by beauty.  I'm also, if I may say so, one funny motherfucker and if you can get a lady laughing you're 2/3 of the way there with any woman worth having.

 

Everyone says that.  It is a good story, but its also a relatively short story.  There's maybe 20 pages there, and a lot of it is going back and forth between various embassies, foreign affairs offices, and civil bureaucrat offices getting required documents, getting them stamped, getting signatures, getting them translated, etc.

 

I'll have to ask her before posting any pictures.

[JsinOwl 644]

The story of how I met my wife is almost as good. A mutual friend brought her over to my place and got us both shit-faced. Umm.. yeah I guess that's about it.

[Sennex 1,903]

I met my wife at a gymnastics meet in Chicago. She was attending Penn State on a scholarship at the time and in town. She had some friends in Everquest that were also friends of mine (although I didn't play EQ), and we just sort of met.

 

The funny part is that she had just broken up with her boyfriend of a few years, and I was a "rebound lay" for her.

 

That was 12 years ago.

 

Best part was the first date was at noon, we went to miniature golf and Taco Bell; then we rented Conkers Bad Fur Day for the N64, ended up watching a few movies and she really just never left.

 

Her scholarship fell apart because she had been fighting with her Ex so much that her grades and all slipped. So she quit gymnastics and then dropped out, moved cross country and in with me.

 

 

Edit: Reason for the cheap date is pretty simple. I learned ages ago to NEVER plan a date for dinner and what not unless its a work night. There is nothing worse than buying dinner and a movie and spending gobs of money on a ruined night. Do something early that way if the date sucks, you can go hang with your mates afterwards and still be able to have a good night.

[Docwagon 856]

I surprised my wife with a photo album with 80 photos of us, in as close to chronological order as I could manage, since we met.  The first picture is of her working in her pharmacy, the last from a recent trip to an amusement park.  I then surprised her with lunch at a Turkish restaurant.  We'd never been, but I'd looked it up online and it got great reviews, and it was very nice.  I had to go to work afterward, so no champagne or the like, but we'll do something like that on my days off.

 

She got me a radio for the garage, which is where I sit when I'm reloading bullets.  I'd mentioned getting one awhile back and then promptly forgot about it, but she didn't.  

[techno 3,511]

Wow nice story Doc.

Congrats to you both.

[RenFengge 1,042]

This is a post worth reviving for a moment...

 

Because this is quite a story! And maybe it's me getting old... but it's super touching. Did you ever tell your wife you wrote this here?

[Docwagon 856]

On 4/12/2021 at 6:57 PM, RenFengge said:

This is a post worth reviving for a moment...

 

Because this is quite a story! And maybe it's me getting old... but it's super touching. Did you ever tell your wife you wrote this here?

 

I don't recall.  It's hard to credit it's been so long ago, or that this forum has been around that long.

 

She did eventually reconcile with her dad.  I liked him.  I may have posted about it, not sure.  Anyway, we went back to Jordan for a visit with her family about two years before he died.  It's a shame her brothers ruined it for them for so long, but at least they worked it out before it was too late.

 

We've got a 20 page version of it in Word with all the various steps, stamps, documents, etc. that she knows about.