Xethius

As of this mornings weigh in I'm 254lbs now, 145lbs total weight lost. I like the above picture as a comparison. The fly fishing vest on the left is one I just bought last week and is 2xl. The one on the right is the one I have used for the past 7 years and is a 5xl.

Be sure to practice safe ipad sex...use a surge protector.

It's ok to have disagreements, everyone does and i know every "Place" does. It's not okay to make a member feel unwelcome or unliked because they're feeling like shit. I've been a member of this mw2forums community since i was 18, im 22 now. I have changed and i have grown, I have gotten close to alot of you guys, and some i sorta drew away from(My fault) Either way, to me this place is a godsend. Life is hard so i come here to vent like many of you, don't like it? Balls. Don't comment on anything if you cant prevent yourself from making a condescending passive-aggressive remark. Ive made threads on here about being depressed, why? Well because i always thought this place was a run a way if you will. That my brothers will always have my back if i fall in real life. So i can feel normal again and bring myself out of whatever rut i was in. (advices here helped alot). 
 
So, whatever this is guys, dont let it turn into auptykville shitfest. Keep it civil and always be sensitive and open to other's feelings. Just because things may be going good for you dont mean they are to others here. You never know they can be in some nasty hell and be coming here to seek comfort. 
 
Just my 2 cents. This is all just an observation of what ive seen for the last few days. I dont know what was said to some members, but i do know this is how we need to be with everyone here if we wanna remain as a friendly community. 
 
I'm also like steve i stay out of those political threads because i know where they usually go, it's just my tactic the avoid the avoidable. 

It's ok to have disagreements, everyone does and i know every "Place" does. It's not okay to make a member feel unwelcome or unliked because they're feeling like shit. I've been a member of this mw2forums community since i was 18, im 22 now. I have changed and i have grown, I have gotten close to alot of you guys, and some i sorta drew away from(My fault) Either way, to me this place is a godsend. Life is hard so i come here to vent like many of you, don't like it? Balls. Don't comment on anything if you cant prevent yourself from making a condescending passive-aggressive remark. Ive made threads on here about being depressed, why? Well because i always thought this place was a run a way if you will. That my brothers will always have my back if i fall in real life. So i can feel normal again and bring myself out of whatever rut i was in. (advices here helped alot). 
 
So, whatever this is guys, dont let it turn into auptykville shitfest. Keep it civil and always be sensitive and open to other's feelings. Just because things may be going good for you dont mean they are to others here. You never know they can be in some nasty hell and be coming here to seek comfort. 
 
Just my 2 cents. This is all just an observation of what ive seen for the last few days. I dont know what was said to some members, but i do know this is how we need to be with everyone here if we wanna remain as a friendly community. 
 
I'm also like steve i stay out of those political threads because i know where they usually go, it's just my tactic the avoid the avoidable. 

I remember the days lol. Its where i met alot of cool ppl and my friend Mike Lol i definitely grew up alot since then, so sorry to anyone i offended.

Probably same shit different day for me too because ill have to work, but the day after me and my gf are going to the zoo for our 1 year. I hope i see elephants lol. 

enough time has passed now where i feel like i can say, "i really don't like that MKUL7RA fellow." 
 
yeah.  i said it.  screw that guy.

Hey now no shooting elephants!!! 
 

Sometimes I feel like the internet is nothing but a means for assholes to spread their assholeness to a much broader audience. Case in point- Last week I sold GTA5 on Ebay, I finished the game and really only care for the story mode so figured I'd give someone else a chance to own if rather than it sitting unused in my rack. So I sold it last week on Ebay. First off I have been on Ebay for 10 years, have 100% positive feedback on 840 transactions (in other words I am a responsible and honest buyer/seller).
 
The winning "bidder" on my auction just joined Ebay 3 days before winning my auction and has ZERO feedback. They bid on the auction right at the end and won it. Then 3 days go by without payment. I send a 2nd invoice, still no payment after 4 days so I file a case/non paying bidder with Ebay. Then 6 days after winning the "buyer" sends me a message saying to cancel the transaction because their game system broke.
 
Okay wait a minute, lets use logic here, they are trying to tell me their game system broke in the 1 hour between them placing the bid and the auction ending? I don't think so. So I reply back to them in a polite manner telling them they need to pay for what they won because the auction has ended and its been a week so the other bids I had are now useless since this person won and has not paid for a weeks time.
 
I get a reply back. First of all this person is either 1)- An immature kid, or 2) - Adult that is completely ignorant and has no education what so ever. Because there is ZERO punctuation, zero grammar, misspelled words all over, and the usage of terms is totally incorrect.
 
Here are the few messages between myself and this mental giant today. The quoted ones are the "buyers" replies. (keep in mind this is a week after they won the auction and have not paid.
 
 
  I can not just cancel this, Ebay does not work that way. You bought this a week ago, not only does it cost me selling fee's on Ebay but other people bid and you outbid all the others so now I can not even offer it to the other bidders since they have obviously already bid and won others for themselves. If you did not plan on paying then you should not have bid, You need to be responsible for what you won and finish the transaction you entered into.
 
 
First off READ the rules of Ebay. When you place a bid it is a binding contract because when you win an auction it means the other bids of the other people are now useless. Plus the only way I get reimbursed on the fee's ebay charged me is to open a Non paying bidder case with ebay, then wait 4 days, then after they have reimbursed me THEN I can relist it. I can not just cancel after the auction ends or I lose my fee's I paid. But that still means you have negated the other bids I had so I now have to go back through bidding again. I find it very funny that you are saying you will report me?? You are in fact a NON PAYING BIDDER yet you feel you are going to report me for something? Be my guest, because when you tell Ebay that you won an auction then did not pay they will in fact give you a "strike" because I have done nothing to you but ask you to follow through with your responsibilities with what you agreed upon by placing the bid/winning the auction.

BTW the issue was already reported by me to ebay 2 days ago. And I will be following up with them.
 
 
 
I did not bother replying back again to this obvious moron. I simply reported him for a 2nd time to ebay, this time for using foul language as well as being a non paying bidder. I tell ya people that act like this online are nothing but cowards, because if this person actually saw me in person I would bet they would be singing a different tune than saying "fuck you" because I would twist this idiot into a knot and drop kick him through the uprights of asskickingville!
 
 

(I'm mobile so bare with my mistakes.)
I might be late to the party... And no one will probably care what the underpants thinks. But... Here it goes.
I haven't played Ghosts as much as I would have liked to simply because of my personal happenings. I've also been enjoying some other games. But back to Call of Duty.
My favorite of the franchise was CoD4 and MW2. I loved what Treyarch had to offer, but I could NOT stand their crappy connections. That's why I started to hate CoD. CoD4 and MW2 had the best connection for me. MW3, for me had good connection but the game didn't have those things from Treyarch that I liked. So it was a step backwards, but hey, I could still play it since there wasn't that Treyarch lag that I hated so much. So I still liked it. Ghosts came out and from what I've played, the connection is fine. That's the most important thing to me. Call me crazy, I know. Sure it doesn't have all the goodies that Treyarch puts in their games, but I could play it. I don't like some of the things in Ghosts like the maps absolutely suck and the challenges always rotating ticks me off. But the fact that I can play with minimal lag, makes me not mind playing it. Since the new consoles came out, there is a division and I really only ever play with Matt or John when I'm not busy.
I feel like I am getting tired of the formula of Call of Duty though. Ultimately, I don't care if we're playing Call of Duty, Battlefield or My Little Pony. I just wanna play with you guys, full homo. So let me know what you guys are playing whenever I win the lotto and get a PS4. Ktnxbye.

Just seeing this Tommy. Okay, well. Hard to just link without saying why, but I'll try. I had a low point in my life back in my mid 20's, I drank a lot and had a hard time with life, this song was one I listened to every night because I was in such a low state and my girlfrind back then hated this song because of that. Now a days I like it, because it when I hear it it shows me how I have changed so much. No other songs has as much meaning for me now.

You're definitely going to want to do something with yourself. Starting to workout again would be a great idea! Maybe take up another hobby? Going to college would be good, but i can understand not wanting to spend so much money on something you're not sure about. 
 
Even something simple as hanging out with friends more would help. Or if possible, you could try to get a girlfriend? Depression is much worse if you go through it alone, having someone like that by your side would be really helpful. 
 
I don't really know much about you or your situation but you need to keep yourself occupied! How about every night before bed, you write down 10 things you want to achieve tomorrow. They don't need to be big things, just little ones. E.g, Go a walk, Update my PPR, Message 3 old friends, clean out the attic, ect ect
 
Or you could try looking forward towards the future. Just think in 10 years you'll be living in a house somewhere with your wife & you'll have a child and a pet dog named Scruffy! You'll sit at the table every morning and eat breakfast together, then all go off to work/school. You'll get home and relax with some tv, maybe help your child out with their homework, walk the dog and then fall asleep in bed with the woman you love. That's not impossible, theres even a lot of people on here who are already living that.
 
It may not sound really exciting, but isn't it worth living for? 

You should never try to fit into society, because it's society that is sick.  It's the pressure of this sickness that is forcing you to go against your own personality.  You should turn the eye inward, not outward.  When you know yourself, discover yourself, you'll realize that there is nothing wrong with you.  The problem is the juxtaposition of your feelings of trying to fit in colliding with your feelings of being yourself.  I know this, because I went through the very same thing when I was in my early 20's.  I almost went to see a psychologist about it.  But there isn't anything wrong with me. I accepted that.
 
Yes, you're not a teenager right now, but you are still maturing.  Men mature all their lives. (you are a Man right?) Watch what happens when you turn 30. You'll realize how immature you were for that 20 something decade. Your true personality will start to solidify itself later on.  For me, it was 31 when I noticed that I didn't care about society anymore.  What's more important? How many friends you have on facebook or happiness?  I'm projecting here, as I am not saying you care about that stuff, but a lot of people do; and they shouldn't.  Technology has further advanced this sickness that is going on.  The only healthy thing to do is to get back to things our ancestors knew to be healthy. Diet, exercise, meditation. etc.
 
I think about how lucky you are though, technology is a double edged sword; can be used for good/evil.  Luckily you have a community here of a vast array of people and their experiences to request advice from. I didn't have that.  
 
Lastly, do something every single day, to further and better your position.  Even if its only doing 10 pushups. Do 11 the next day.  Do something more, each and every day. Drink less, etc.

I'm sure someone is going to type up something that is worth the read. I'm not really good at advise on life. I feel like I haven't experienced life yet.
 
But i'll tell you what I do know, and that is that you're not alone. Everyone on this forum has been depressed at one point or another. Some of us, we are just depressed more then others, and that's okay. But when you start thinking about these suicidal thoughts, that's not.
 
Suicide is a selfish act. You have a new nephew coming and you want to be there for him, correct? You have a twin brother, that probably wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror without thinking about you, trust me, I know. That alone should be enough for you to stop thinking about those horrible thoughts.
 
You know what you want to do with your body, you just need motivation to do it. I suggest using this forum as motivation. Use your PPR as a workout diary. Take some notes on what you have done, post some weekly improvement photos and/or get involved on one of Spectre's threads on working out. I find that when I'm trying to work out my body, I tell people and if they are noticing me not doing it, it embarrasses me. That is my motivation, not letting others down, while continuing to improve myself.
 
I'm here for you, as always. You have my number and you know where my inbox is.

I'm not going to pull any punches here, so I'll apologise in advance if I put a nose or two out of joint.
 
In my past I have lost several people extremely close to me, the hardest one to deal with was the passing of my first wife to cancer when she was at the tender age of 31.
 
She used to get so angry at people even contemplating suicide, seeing as she was literally fighting for her life during a long and protracted illness. She DIDN'T want to die, but to live and grow old. See her daughters grow up and do all the things that most of us take for granted.
 
I have the same philosophy on life. Depression is difficult to overcome I fully understand that, I've been there myself. Ultimately, the individual is the only person that can actually make the choice to get themselves out of that rut. I just wish people would see past the bad things that they perceive to be taking over their lives and look at all the good that is around them. You get to wake up every morning with your physical health very much in tact. You do not have the very black cloud of terminal illness hanging over you. You have a full life to look forwards to, LIVE IT!!
 
The only time that I think suicide is justified is if illness or impairment are so bad, that you cannot function in any way as the person you were. I watched my step father go through all the awful processes of motor neurons disease, which completely takes away every aspect of your bodies functionality, even to the point of breathing on your own. He suffered beyond what I could possibly imagine and I watched the life literally drain out of him.
 
I am so thankful to have the gift of life and health, we ALL should be. There are so many people in the world who simply survive on a day to day basis. We, in the Western world don't have a clue how that must be, yet we over complicate our lives to such an extent that we can't see the wood for the trees.
 
I truly wish that people would take a leaf out of Mike's book. He has more to deal with on a daily basis than many of us would see in a lifetime and yet always seems to look on the brighter side of life.
 
We all have bad days, granted. BUT that is all it should be, a bad DAY!
 
We have one shot at this life and we are lucky to live where we do. I have seen poverty and hardship when I travel for work, and I am always thankful that my life by comparison is so much easier.

Thanks for the advice Steve You are correct, i'm just a dot in this world and I gotta make the best of it. You and the other guys advice help me so much. I'm already singing a different toon, trying to eat more healthy, and i'm gonna go down and workout in a few

Thanks for the advice Steve You are correct, i'm just a dot in this world and I gotta make the best of it. You and the other guys advice help me so much. I'm already singing a different toon, trying to eat more healthy, and i'm gonna go down and workout in a few

I know it sounds like a cliche, but you can never move forward if you are looking back to the past. I totally understand your depression and thoughts of "why go on?" I had those problems myself back in my 20's, but truth be told I made a lot of my own problems for myself. I don;t want to oversimplify this, but to put it as plain as I can, you simply need to be happy about yourself and other things will fall into place.
 
Far as the thoughts of death. It depends on what way you are thinking about that. If you mean your just thinking about mortality, then that's normal we all do that. Now that I'm in my 40's I think about my own mortality more now then I ever did, especially since my dad died when he was only 52 yrs old. I have the same genes so that worries me. If your thinking suicidal thoughts then that is different, you really should try to talk to someone in person about those thoughts if they are at all serious or often. Because that's a serious thing there and you don't want to let that happen again.
 
Life is short man, 70-80 yrs is nothing but a blip on the radar of eternity, so don't waste your limited time here feeling sorry for yourself or wondering why you are here. We're all here to simply enjoy the gift of life that we were given so make the most of it because once it's over there is no hitting restart.
 
Glad to hear you are feeling better today though for sure!

Bioshock...and Kyle?

This reminds me of when they patched the draganov(maybe) on MW3, fucked everything else so hard the neighbours were complaining about the smell!

Palle now i dont know you much, but what you described in ur first post; we might as well be the same person. All I can say is I truly feel ya, feel your pain. I too feel like basically a "ghost" no one ever see's me. I'm the most honest, caring, and helpful person in a world full of shit and lies, and I still try and do the right thing, yet no one ever notices you. I can reflect every single thing you said so i dont need to post it here word for word, just know that I know too. It sucks. I also have depression, but I don't take anything for it. Bc i dont think anything can help...other than some fucking recognition in this damn world. alittle bit of reassurence from those we wanna help, tutor, just be around, would go a long way with me..and probably you. I also add that my parents tell me i'm a dissapointment just because i havent found my place in life yet. it helps alot with my issues lol 
 
Anyway im not trying to make this about me. Just wanna share that just so you know you arent alone. But take these guy's advice. Weightlifting is amazing it will do wonders for you. Meditate. Play your guitar and just let that music energy flow through your veins. Imagine playing one of your solo's to a hot girl and you two go off together somewhere Go out in nature, get some sunlight. all of these things help me and im sure they'll help you man. Just keep your head up. Life does suck. it really does, but when you go out there and prove yourself, you can be the one on top, telling everyone or everything "i told you so" Everyone has their place in life. If your "time" hasn't come yet, it will soon my friend. And im sure you know sometimes you gotta make your own luck..ya know being at the right place at the right time? it'll get better dude. If ya need me or anyone of us, we're all here for you brother 

Palle now i dont know you much, but what you described in ur first post; we might as well be the same person. All I can say is I truly feel ya, feel your pain. I too feel like basically a "ghost" no one ever see's me. I'm the most honest, caring, and helpful person in a world full of shit and lies, and I still try and do the right thing, yet no one ever notices you. I can reflect every single thing you said so i dont need to post it here word for word, just know that I know too. It sucks. I also have depression, but I don't take anything for it. Bc i dont think anything can help...other than some fucking recognition in this damn world. alittle bit of reassurence from those we wanna help, tutor, just be around, would go a long way with me..and probably you. I also add that my parents tell me i'm a dissapointment just because i havent found my place in life yet. it helps alot with my issues lol 
 
Anyway im not trying to make this about me. Just wanna share that just so you know you arent alone. But take these guy's advice. Weightlifting is amazing it will do wonders for you. Meditate. Play your guitar and just let that music energy flow through your veins. Imagine playing one of your solo's to a hot girl and you two go off together somewhere Go out in nature, get some sunlight. all of these things help me and im sure they'll help you man. Just keep your head up. Life does suck. it really does, but when you go out there and prove yourself, you can be the one on top, telling everyone or everything "i told you so" Everyone has their place in life. If your "time" hasn't come yet, it will soon my friend. And im sure you know sometimes you gotta make your own luck..ya know being at the right place at the right time? it'll get better dude. If ya need me or anyone of us, we're all here for you brother 

Dude remember the PM I sent you? There was some sound advice in there. 
 
What I'll tell you is that you're a shapeshifter. You adapt to everyone else, and always go with the flow. Regardless of what you want, if someone wants to do something else or go somewhere else, you go with it. You never argue, you're always trying to be a good friend, and never say no. Does that sound about right?
 
If so, then it's time to stop that shit and become yourself. Don't be what you think everyone else wants. This is a mistake I also lived by for years, and it got me nowhere. It was only once I started becoming my own person, making my own decisions, doing my own thing regardless of whether or not my friends wanted in, that I started becoming the person I am today. 
 
There are a few expressions in life that although aren't entirely true, they certainly hold an element of truth in them. They are:
 
 
Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen. - I'm not saying be a dick to everyone, but you need to let people know that you're not there for their fun, but for yours. You need to add things to social situations that make it fun for others, and someone who just goes with the flow is about as entertaining as a soggy paper bag. 
 
Play hard to get - this is a tricky one, because you need to make people want to hang out with you first. Once you've achieved that by begin confident, exciting, etc etc, then you need to make sure you put yourself first. Don't go cancelling your own shit just to keep 'em happy. If you can't do something then tell them. 
 
Things like this are very hard to address over a forum because I can't see your face, gauge your emotions or anything. All I have to go with is text, so it's entirely possible that my assumptions are all wrong. If that's the case, tell me. 
 
And sort out your fucking sleep cycle. You sleep stupid hours and go to bed at ridiculous times - don't. Fix this and you'll be a happier person, and confidence will come from that, which in turn will boost your social life dramatically. 
 
Trust me on this one. Starting tomorrow, in bed at 9, asleep by 10. Get up at a normal time, and do something productive. I dunno what you do, polish or varnish your guitars or something. Clean your house, whatever you need to do to give yourself that feeling of accomplishment. You'll be feeling better within a week. 

Got good news! My mom came home today and I will have Ghosts on Monday! Woohoo!

What are some of your guy's hobbies and what are you into to collect?
 
For me I enjoy collecting various things such as flashlights, Ty beanies, and guitars. Some of my hobbies are playing my guitar(electric), playing video games, and being out in nature. Something about being out away from it all...Yeah really can clear your head on a bad day.
 
Anyway for S&G here's some of my guitars.
 


 
Xaviere XV-610
And Epi LP Standard