tronic44

They're beasts man!
 

Wow, this is in some ways like looking in a mirror. As most of the folks here know, I've also overcome a drug addiction. It got so bad, I left the country because my willpower wasn't enough. I have never had a father, my grandparents were always there for me and my mother went through hell and high waters to give me the best she could, despite every month having to count the pennies. 
 
What I'll say is this:
 
 
This isn't the time for you to be down about stuff like this. This is an opportunity. It's a time for you to lose the shackles you have, and start living your own life. It's always shit to lose people who you can depend on, but it does teach you to fend for yourself and become a stronger person. 
 
Your breakup with your girlfriend might have been exactly what you need. If you were in a stale relationship, there's really no point staying. See this as an opportunity to find someone new, someone exciting, someone you want to buy flowers for and spend time with. Until then, use this time to think about your priorities in life. It sounds to me like you're in a rut and need a change. Sometimes changing one aspect of your life is enough, sometimes it's better to change as much as you can. In this case, your relationship was stale, your job is stale, you're potentially losing some loved ones (sorry if that came out wrong), so it's time for you to throw your life up in the air and see how you land. 
 
Career wise, a change of environment can make a massive difference. I changed job recently having spent 4 years working for the same company. I do pretty much exactly the same thing, except for a different firm. I'm loving it. I work crazy hours, 12 of them a day, but I also get tons of time off. I make a decent living, and I'm generally happy with my position. Even if you're doing the same thing in a different firm, a change of environment can make a huge change.
 
I found a person who is just as fucked up as me and we got married. She became my new rock. We're now married and living happily. She keeps me on the straight and narrow, and it sounds to me like this is what you need too. Focus first on finding a job which will make you happy again. This will in turn boost your confidence, which will help when looking at girls. When you lack confidence, any old girl will do, but if you're feeling good about yourself, odds are you'll look a bit deeper and find a woman who suits you better. 
 
Don't see this change as a bad thing. You're young, you have a few years left in you, but just ask yourself this: what are you going to do to get the most out of them?

Ya gotta love those tests, I always score the same on any of them I take lol. This one I just did and its the same as always, dead on...
 
ISTP Introvert(78%)  Sensing(1%)  Thinking(25%)  Perceiving(67)% You have strong preference of Introversion over Extraversion (78%) You have marginal or no preference of Sensing over Intuition (1%) You have moderate preference of Thinking over Feeling (25%) You have distinctive preference of Perceiving over Judging (67%)   Anyway as to original post Dockter. It sounds so much like my own life/feelings I could have wrote that so I understand what you are going through. Dave and Jay gave you some good advice, but one thing I would advice against is IF you and her do break up, don't go looking to get into another relationship right away. The reason I say that is because your at a point in your life where you are having trouble finding and loving yourself for who you are, so how could you love someone else if you are a bit lost yourself? If you guys break up then take a bit of time and try to find out for yourself what you really want to do in life, and what really makes you happy. Then you can start looking for someone to share that life with.
 
Far as the drinking and such, I've always been very upfront about my past so I know all about what your dealing with. First thing is that drinking to feel better because of problems is a very dark and troubled road. What starts as just a one day a week type thing only drinking one night quickly turns to two three, then almost everyday of the week deal. With the introvert personalities we have that is not a good thing because we end up drinking way too much, way too often, alone in a dark room wallowing in our problems. And when that happens theres only three outcomes....Jail, Death, or recovery. So nip that in the bud before you have to seriously deal with one of those three things.
 
As to the job, don't make any sudden decisions yet about that until you have really thought it out and know exactly what you want to do. Last thing you want is to quite then realize you can't find another job or it ends up being a worse job than this one. So think about what really makes you happy in a job and work towards that. You always need money to pay bills so don't get me wrong when I say this, but I have found money is secondary to happiness in work/life. Who cares if you are making tons of money if you dreed getting up to go to a job you hate every morning. Think about what really makes you happy and try to start looking into a change in a field in that direction over time.
 
 
Evenything each of us does in life is a risk. It does not matter if it is getting married or having kids or simply going out the door in the morning, everything we do in life comes with a risk. But without risk there is no reward. If we decided to not do something simply because we may fail then what would be the point of life? We'd be a bunch of drones living a meaningless pointless unhappy life. Never be afraid to do something simply because you are scared of what "could" happen. Life is just a speck on the timeline for us so you have to try to make your time here meaningful and happy. Don't waste it.
 
Anyway that's just my .02 for what it's worth.

You've had plenty of extremely good advice so far, and you'd do well to take it in board. At the age you are life should feel a lot rosier than you are obviously feeling right now. I was just a little older than when I went through a really bad patch for reason I won't go into now.
 
The thing I picked up on more than anything was your comment regarding having kids. By the time I was your age I had 2 young daughters and absolutely loved (and stiil do) to bits. The first one was most definitely unplanned and I thought no I'm nowhere near ready to be a Father.
 
The day she was born stands out as being one of the greatest day's of my life, the pride and overwhelming love I felt the first time I held her cannot be described by words alone. The same was true when her sister was born and when my 2 son's came along a good few years later.
 
I always used to think I never wanted kids, how wrong I was. They bring so much joy, pride, heartache and at times pain, but I would not swap them for the world. I would lay down my life for them without a second thought.
 
My point is. The very fact that you are questioning whether you would be a good Father is what would make you just that. Don't dismiss the idea going forwards because you don't think you'd be good enough or you're scared of what "could" happen. They would bring a whole new way of thinking into your life. All I'm asking is, hold this thought for the future.
 
Right now, do as the others have stated, discover and be yourself. Find and do things that make you feel alive, try new things, experience things you've never done before. Live!!

I know i'm late to the party but Monday night was epic lads!! My house mate said he had a good laugh too but wishes he had a mic lol
 
Before i started recording i said to myself to stop the recording every now and then and then start it straight back up, just so i have a few smaller files rather than one big one. Well mission failed as i have one big ass 3 and a half hour file to render :/
 
Still, can't wait to watch it all back. I got a perfect video of us trying to burn that dude with the cars, who jumped up on that crate lol
 
Definitely get involved next time Brede, it was so much fun dude!

I really don't know why I'm even writting this, just need to get some of this out and this is the only forum I'm on and although I don't talk to many of  you much this place is probably the best corner of the net.
 
So I'm in a rough spot lately. For anyone that read the drugs thread on the old forum know that I started messing with that stuff early and sold and was heavily addicted to coke until about the age of 23. I lived off and on with my dad from 10-16 but he was never really around even when I lived there. I have very little contact with him today even though we live in the same city. My mom is going through a pretty rough divorce and the guy she is divorcing I was very close to but he straight up lied to me and had been having an afair for over a year. He is actually the only older male I've ever been close to and looked to him for guidance. I haven't talked to him in about 4 months. Along with this my grandma has COPD. They have given her about 6 months to live. I lived with my grandma off and on all through my childhood and also lived with her from 16-18 and after I got back from Job Corps in Utah. She has pretty much always been my rock. I've been with a girl for about 5 years that I've honestly never thought was forever. Earlier this month I finally had the balls to sit down and talk to her because we want such different things. She wants marraige and kids and I honestly couldn't see that with her. I know I never seen myself marrying her and having kids scare the hell out of me. My parents were not the best parents and I'm afraid of failing. Also I know that if anything ever happened to one of my kids I would not be able to recover. I know I wouldn't recover I know I would relapse and I know I would not come out of it. I love kids to death and everyone says what a great dad I would be but I don't think I have the balls for it.
 
Now to the main reason for posting. I'm 27 and  I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life and don't know what to do. I'm not happy with my job I've been at for 7 years. I work for Wells Fargo and I'm on the computer all day but I don't know what I want to do. I've got comfortable here and stopped caring. I feel like the only time I'm happy is when I'm alone and find something to turn my brain off. I've started drinking more than I should again and right now it helps but I know it wont keep helping. I've thought about stuff I know I shouldn't do but I feel like my will power to stay away from it is becoming less and less every week. I've gotten out of shape yet can't find the energy to get out and workout like I used to love doing. Honestly for the most part real life interaction with people lately just stresses me out more and tires the shit out of me to the point that I lock myself in my apartment most nights and when I get to work I put on my headphones and don't talk to anyone. I feel like it takes me a week just to recover from going out and hanging out with people although I still try to do it so my family will stop worrying. I think I've been depressed for a long time yet don't want to see a dr because I hate the pills they normally push on me. Basically I feel like I'm losing everything that meant something to me in my life and I don't know what I can do to fix it. I always like to be in control and lately I feel lost and don't know what the hell to do. Does anyone know how to break out of this funk without the use of pills? I hate how the shit they normally prescribe make me feel or not feel. I feel like a fkn zombie with the shit they put me on and I would rather be pissed off at the world than have no feeling at all.

She's a lot of work.

Why do you call your wife overtime?

That's why they have closed lobbies, if you're not in one then its fair game imo. I don't get annoyed when people try to kill me, it's GTA, the whole point is to kill people. Plus it's a game.

Sandy Vagina alert!

That's why they have closed lobbies, if you're not in one then its fair game imo. I don't get annoyed when people try to kill me, it's GTA, the whole point is to kill people. Plus it's a game.

That's why they have closed lobbies, if you're not in one then its fair game imo. I don't get annoyed when people try to kill me, it's GTA, the whole point is to kill people. Plus it's a game.

Do some rally races, we did some last night and it was epic! I had dylan co-driving me and didnt know his left from his right!! We still managed to beat stretch and Jack though!

Yes mate, can you get on skype later?

We should have some random moments in free mode too, me and Rich had like an 8 hour session the other day and the shit that happened was just hilarious! One moment was when my character randomly fell down some stairs then right over the barrier at the bottom in spectacular fashion!

I love the fact the PVR picks up randoms voices, so we'll be able to hear the mega rage! I'll just crank the volume up at point when they rage 

Neither did i but you can and it's some of the funniest shit you'll do! Can't wait for this!!

An idea is born this day. A good one too.
 
I'm gonna spend all me money today so I don't have to worry about dying and I'm just gonna go ham on the unsuspecting bastards. Rich, you're a genius.

Another idea i thought of, which actually came from watching my house mate play, is to go around in groups and piss other people off. My house mate found this guy in a massive lorry and started shooting out the tires, the dude went nutty and then we found out he was half way through a mission  Everyone in his mission started telling him to hurry up but he kept saying i can't cuz this dick keeps shooting me. It was pure comedy!! In the end he ends up shooting the guy then blowing up the lorry   
 
It's such an asshole thing to do, but according to the other thread we are assholes soooo.....
 
If there are 4 people in a car, then the gameplay will actually show us all, which would be another good thing.....if you get me?

Getting your tires shot it sucks but if you collect one of the repair things then your good to go, I'm easy either way

Your audio will pick up on a lot of laughter. I couldn't stop last night xD

Impromptu races are a must have too. That way we can set larger than life races and will allow for commentaries. 

I can't like that enough!!! ^

No worries Stretch, you'll need to hop on Skype with us too! I have a feeling tonight will be epic. We should limit ourselves to races mostly though cause the 4 player missions always split us up.
 
! ATTENTION !
 
ALL CREW MEMBERS ONLINE TONIGHT.
PUT ASIDE THE MISSIONS AND RACE WITH US. THERE'S MORE MONEY INVOLVED IN THE LONG RUN
AND MORE LAUGHS OVERALL.
 
JUST FUCKING DO IT.

Sorry for the brief session last night Cal. The game kept fucking up so I did a solo mission or 2 and hit the hay early. Hoping I can get a better session tonight though