burnfitbillyboy 505 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Oh the memories! I loved that tune, he done another one that was a parody of a Lily Allen song and a Christmas one Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-16442 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookes 965 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 That tune was awesome when I first heard it . Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-16449 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookes 965 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 As you know, Glasgow has won it's bid to host the Commonwealth Games in 2014. What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below. OPENING CEREMONY The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of Ferguslie Park, in the traditional dress of balaclava and a Burberry shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium. THE EVENTS In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes. 100 METRES SPRINT Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes. 110 METRES HURDLES As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, Walls etc) HAMMER Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts. FENCING This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also provide the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside Kebab shops in Baillieston, Riddrie, Drumpchapel, and Easterhouse....the winner shall be the one who can leave A & E first. SHOOTING A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages delivery man. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun. BOXING Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence. CYCLING TIME TRIALS Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock. CYCLING PURSUIT As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft. MODERN PENTATHLON Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding, under-age drinking and arson. SWIMMING EVENTS All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "Belle & Sebastian". THE MARATHON A safe route has yet to be decided. MEN'S 50KM WALK Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow, especially anyone that appears to be mincing ... THE CLOSING CEREMONY Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Govan Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by confused old firm fans. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler. tronic44 and Baabcat 2 Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-16984 Share on other sites More sharing options...
tronic44 3,642 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Kinda wish i'd kept up with my synchronised swimming In all honesty, this sounds way better than what will actually happen! Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-16989 Share on other sites More sharing options...
burnfitbillyboy 505 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Rich I just know you're dying for a night out in Scotland! Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17025 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookes 965 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 In fucking Hawick . Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17027 Share on other sites More sharing options...
burnfitbillyboy 505 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I said in Scotland you prick! Our nightclub has shut down Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17030 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chookes 965 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 We could all meet at Hawick bowling club for a nice drink and game. Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17033 Share on other sites More sharing options...
burnfitbillyboy 505 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 We have a bowling club? Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17036 Share on other sites More sharing options...
deterioration 443 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17583 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plumbers Crack 4,062 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 We have a bowling club? Euan speaks the truth apparently! When he posted that I just had to look it up It's in Buccleuch Road http://bowlsclub.org/club/1999/ Thanks to Capn_Underpants for the artwork Link to comment https://forevergaming.co.uk/forum/forums/topic/464-welcome-to-scotland/page/2/#findComment-17597 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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