Agony Aunt.....or Uncle. Whatever, I'll help you

[Just Cal 461]

Do you need advice? Want to ask an Irishman his thoughts on world matters or even just what haircut to get?

 

This is where you can ask those questions.

I specialise in relationship advice as I recently became single in the past 6 months.

 

So ask me questions and I'll make sure to give you the best answers with the worst advice.

 

[TigerBurge 2,375]

Dear Cal,how do you get rid of pesky genital warts?

[Just Cal 461]

Dear Cal,how do you get rid of pesky genital warts?

 

Most doctors or sensible people would recommend a cream that I cannot link to because wisely, I never looked into it.

I recommend a nail file for the job. You can file down the unwanted bumps to optimal size to keep them stylish.

 

If you for some reason want to get rid of them, a Gillette turbo power razor will do the job. It's a lazy method though as it only takes 0.70 seconds to remove 1 wart.

 

Qualified professional answer: Nail file.

[TigerBurge 2,375]

Nail file never thought of that

[Just Cal 461]

It's why I'm here friend.

[JsinOwl 644]

Dear Cal,

How do you fix overweight and balding?

 

 

 

SIncerely,

G. Castanza

[Just Cal 461]

Dear Cal,

How do you fix overweight and balding?

 

 

 

SIncerely,

G. Castanza

 

One of the mainstream solutions floating around for fixing an overweight bod is to stop eating so much. This has been proved wrong over the years thanks to charity appeals. You can clearly see that the starving children have big swollen bellies. This isn't because of a condition called Kwashiorkor as the media would have you believe. It all comes down to "fat gene". 

 

Fat people have a not-so-micro-organism called Gene that lives in the bowels of your bod. This fella has a bakery in with him that works like a.....bakery. So no matter how much you diet or stick your finger down your throat, Gene will continue baking cakes. Hence, you stay fat. Sorry.

 

Onto the baldness. The ideal method to keep long flowing lockes or to even grow it back (thought it was impossible didn't ya?) is too rub semen into your scalp while repeating the word "Flubblegump" over and over for at least 25 minutes.

 

Qualified professional answer: You can never truly lose weight and......semen

[lepercolony 275]

Dear Cal,

 

You know that thing where girls tell you about a problem, and then you want to help by coming up with advice and shit, but they get really mad because actually they wanted you to share in their misery instead of trying to solve it.

 

Just why?

 

Thanks,

 

All Men, Ever

[Just Cal 461]

Dear Cal,

 

You know that thing where girls tell you about a problem, and then you want to help by coming up with advice and shit, but they get really mad because actually they wanted you to share in their misery instead of trying to solve it.

 

Just why?

 

Thanks,

 

All Men, Ever

 

There is a simple explanation for this so I won't go into too much detail.

It is because they have a sand problem. Loads of it. In the vag.

[JsinOwl 644]

It's not about the nail.

[Sennex 1,903]

Dear Cal,

 

I hate everyone.

 

I don't need help or advice, I just wanted to share.

 

Cheers!

[cyberninja2601 1,106]

I guess that's what happens when you are balding fat guy with warts trying to understand women

[NCA-Paendrag 2,758]

Nail file never thought of that

 

 

It's why I'm here friend.

 

Makes me think of Mr. Obvious

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSl-XISdwLg

[Palle 491]

Dear Cal,

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

[Docwagon 856]

Dear Cal,

 

I have always secretly believed that I am a camel stuck in a man's body.  I secretly believe this because when I mention in and the fact I'm considering surgically adding a hump, everyone says I'm bat shit crazy and then sit at the far end of the table.  However, if I instead believed I was a woman trapped in a man's body, that would be totally legit, everyone would have to use my "woman" name or be a bigot, and might even raise a fund for me to mutilate my outie into an innie.

 

So, I guess my question is this.  Which is more resistant to pests, apple trees or pear trees?

[Just Cal 461]

Dear Cal,

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

 

Qualified professional answer: You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense.

 

 

Dear Cal,

 

I have always secretly believed that I am a camel stuck in a man's body.  I secretly believe this because when I mention in and the fact I'm considering surgically adding a hump, everyone says I'm bat shit crazy and then sit at the far end of the table.  However, if I instead believed I was a woman trapped in a man's body, that would be totally legit, everyone would have to use my "woman" name or be a bigot, and might even raise a fund for me to mutilate my outie into an innie.

 

So, I guess my question is this.  Which is more resistant to pests, apple trees or pear trees?

 

 

I'd say go with changing your in and out bits.

Your question is a completely valid scientific problem.

 

Not for me though.

 

Between the years of 1680 and 1687, there was a little bollox named Issac that lived in England and all of his neighbors couldn't stand him. He was a smart man and he knew it. He'd go around telling people stuff that they weren't interested in. He became a pest.

 

The villagers came up with a plan at a secret town meeting to get Issac out of the village during the day. They uprooted a tree from a nearby orchard and replanted it just on the outskirts of a local farm. They wrote up a note from his "grandmother" and sealed it. A courier found Issac and told him this letter was found recently and it told of an apple tree that made you your brain absorb more information than anywhere else in the country.

 

He set off and found the tree. He sat there every day studying his books and shit, time passed and the placebo effect took place. He actually believed he was smarter than ever. The fool.

Then one day an apple fell from the tree and landed on his loaf. 

 

This made him ponder why the hell things like that happened and then he discovered gravity, wrote a book and moved away to Hollywood. His neighbors' ploy had worked and Issac was gone.

 

Qualified professional answer: Apple tree. There's no good stories about pears.

[Dattebayo 446]

Dear Cal,

Why do men have nipples?

I mean, seriously.

Sincerely,

Tig O. Bitties

[Just Cal 461]

Dear Cal,

Why do men have nipples?

I mean, seriously.

Sincerely,

Tig O. Bitties

 

 

Qualified professional answer: To tickle when they're lonely.

[tronic44 3,642]

Dear Cal,

 

how do i get an Irish man over from Ireland to England for Eurogamer?

 

All the best,

 

Fanny Mc'Wanktitties

[Dattebayo 446]

Dear Cal,

Magnets. How do they f*cking work?

Sincerely, Dr. Floppywang, M.D.

[lepercolony 275]

There is a simple explanation for this so I won't go into too much detail.

It is because they have a sand problem. Loads of it. In the vag.

 

 

got it.

 

Qualified professional answer:  vag sand.

[Just Cal 461]

Hahaha animal. I'm taking the night off for breaking bad and GTA. It's been fun if not weird.

[Diddums 4,346]

I need to see if there's a plugin which allows me to like every post in a topic with one click. 

[Chookes 965]

I need to see if there's a plugin which allows me to like every post in a topic with one click.

You would find that useful in all the threads I start.

Please don't add a dislike button.

[Palle 491]

Dear Cal,

 

I have always secretly believed that I am a camel stuck in a man's body.  I secretly believe this because when I mention in and the fact I'm considering surgically adding a hump, everyone says I'm bat shit crazy and then sit at the far end of the table.  However, if I instead believed I was a woman trapped in a man's body, that would be totally legit, everyone would have to use my "woman" name or be a bigot, and might even raise a fund for me to mutilate my outie into an innie.

I fail to see how this is funny... So, to you, being transgender = the same as wanting to be an animal?

F**k that. I've known people through the years who have been TG and it's a legitimate disorder. Comparing them to wanting to be animals is just as bad as homophobia and racism really.

Wow, dude.