So, I guess this is me... Looking for some advice.

[Palle 491]

If hearing about other people's problems bother you, then move along... I hope someone can relate and give me some advice on what to do...

Right now I feel like the loneliest person on this planet. No not right now... My entire life.

I have literally no one to talk to, not in real life or online outside this place... I think about it all day long. I feel like I've tried every possible way to communicate and bond with people but in the end I always get left out or forgotten for reasons I just can't figure out. I never get to know those reasons...

I have so much to offer as a friend, really... I'm good at many things that many have expressed envy of. I have knowledge about many things I'd like to share with someone who would listen... I listen... I help people. I respect people for who they are and what they feel. I'm very compassionate and I care about people... Perhaps so much that it starts to hurt me when I don't get it back.

I honestly don't ask for much at all. If I do it's just someone who's there for me... That one single person that thinks enough about me to give me a call once in a while. One call from a person who can relate to my personality and mind, just to talk about things we both like. There has never been one... It seems like all stupid, superficial, self-absorbed idiots can connect with at least someone... I just can't do that.

I sometimes picture myself as magnet with two positive poles... Others attract each other but with me it's the opposite and I get pushed away.

On top of this, I get no real help with my problems... I've been waiting so long to get therapy but nothing ever happens. No one understands me... I don't feel like I get taken seriously but instead I'm prescribed shitty pills that don't help, just make everything worse. I've lost hope in society and health care a long time ago.

I just needed to get this off my chest...

I wonder if I got placed here as a punishment for something I did in an earlier life. Because really, it feels like I have...

[Diddums 4,346]

Dude remember the PM I sent you? There was some sound advice in there. 

 

What I'll tell you is that you're a shapeshifter. You adapt to everyone else, and always go with the flow. Regardless of what you want, if someone wants to do something else or go somewhere else, you go with it. You never argue, you're always trying to be a good friend, and never say no. Does that sound about right?

 

If so, then it's time to stop that shit and become yourself. Don't be what you think everyone else wants. This is a mistake I also lived by for years, and it got me nowhere. It was only once I started becoming my own person, making my own decisions, doing my own thing regardless of whether or not my friends wanted in, that I started becoming the person I am today. 

 

There are a few expressions in life that although aren't entirely true, they certainly hold an element of truth in them. They are:

 

 

Treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen. - I'm not saying be a dick to everyone, but you need to let people know that you're not there for their fun, but for yours. You need to add things to social situations that make it fun for others, and someone who just goes with the flow is about as entertaining as a soggy paper bag. 

 

Play hard to get - this is a tricky one, because you need to make people want to hang out with you first. Once you've achieved that by begin confident, exciting, etc etc, then you need to make sure you put yourself first. Don't go cancelling your own shit just to keep 'em happy. If you can't do something then tell them. 

 

Things like this are very hard to address over a forum because I can't see your face, gauge your emotions or anything. All I have to go with is text, so it's entirely possible that my assumptions are all wrong. If that's the case, tell me. 

 

And sort out your fucking sleep cycle. You sleep stupid hours and go to bed at ridiculous times - don't. Fix this and you'll be a happier person, and confidence will come from that, which in turn will boost your social life dramatically. 

 

Trust me on this one. Starting tomorrow, in bed at 9, asleep by 10. Get up at a normal time, and do something productive. I dunno what you do, polish or varnish your guitars or something. Clean your house, whatever you need to do to give yourself that feeling of accomplishment. You'll be feeling better within a week. 

[spectre 633]

Buddy, my number one tip for you is start a weight lifting exercise program. Seriously. Commit to it for 3 months. I promise you will feel better.  Pills aren't the answer and they DO make things worse.  Self reflection will only continue to make things worse. You're suffering from Analysis Paralysis. Too much time in your head.  Please please please give this a shot. Exercise.  You'll feel better about yourself and more comfortable in your own skin. You'll start to engage total strangers on the street for no reason other than you just feel so fucking good.

 

It's sound advice. I've given it to you before.  It's kind of a moot point if you ask for advice from people and then don't bother following any of it.

 

Maybe this advice is asking you to do something outside of your comfort zone. That's the point. Because what you are currently doing is apparently not working.  I was where you are now in my early 20's. Lost, alone, depressed.  You'll get through it.

[Palle 491]

What I'll tell you is that you're a shapeshifter. You adapt to everyone else, and always go with the flow. Regardless of what you want, if someone wants to do something else or go somewhere else, you go with it. You never argue, you're always trying to be a good friend, and never say no. Does that sound about right?

That's not true. I might care a lot about people and I'm nice most of the time but I'm not too nice... I don't let my friends push me around just like that and if they do I get pissed I'm no fun to be around when I'm pissed.

This whole "let them know when to f**k of"-thing that you're trying to explain to me, I get it man. It's just contradictory in my head though because I've almost only lost friends that way.

Can you mention some examples with me being like the way you explained? I want to know because that might be a key for me to unlock this door and become better as a person around people.

You need to add things to social situations that make it fun for others, and someone who just goes with the flow is about as entertaining as a soggy paper bag.

Play hard to get - this is a tricky one, because you need to make people want to hang out with you first. Once you've achieved that by begin confident, exciting, etc etc, then you need to make sure you put yourself first. Don't go cancelling your own shit just to keep 'em happy. If you can't do something then tell them.

What do you think of when you say I should add things? Anything in particular?

I try to be fun. I make the few friends I have laugh quite easily... I tell them what I want, I suggest things we could do all the time but this is where that thing comes again, as I explained earlier; No one likes the same things I do and don't get interested. They turn my ideas down, all the time... So I kinda have to go with the flow and see what they like or else it won't work, it leaves me with very few choices.

It's hard to play tricky when all you want is to hangout. Especially when you have a very limited number of friends you can actually see (because other have too little time/live too far away etc.) Then having problems with depression & anxiety certainly doesn't help.

And sort out your fucking sleep cycle. You sleep stupid hours and go to bed at ridiculous times - don't. Fix this and you'll be a happier person, and confidence will come from that, which in turn will boost your social life dramatically.

Trust me on this one. Starting tomorrow, in bed at 9, asleep by 10. Get up at a normal time, and do something productive. I dunno what you do, polish or varnish your guitars or something. Clean your house, whatever you need to do to give yourself that feeling of accomplishment. You'll be feeling better within a week.

I know this... I have had this problem since March/April when I was prescribed stilnoct/zolpidem pills by my doctor and they have been making my life hell.

I think I'm addicted. If not physically, then at least mentally and I have misused them since I got them. It started with me taking one and staying awake instead of going to bed after I had read about the effects you might get from it. As I've said earlier I've had issues with anxiety for a very long time. This makes me feel all kinds of physical symptoms; pains, aches, numbness, tensions etc. My jaw muscles are almost always tense and my jaw kinda locks into that place which makes my neck tense, leading to headaches which make me tired so I get even more anxiety thinking about that etc.

The pill made all of that go away. All anxiety, gone... I got hooked instantly because of this, it also made me really creative, happy, basically like there were no problems in the world. Also, doctors don't just prescribe benzodiazepines without a major reason... This pill worked for me though, or at least I thought so.

Staying awake on this pill has made me stay up for too long almost every night since I started, doings f**king weird things I don't really want to do (much like an alcohol blackout), hallucinations which were fun at the start but now they are gone, I sometimes post weird little messages on here (that's the pill talking) that I don't remember at all and it scares me.

I have self-harmed too and put myself in other risky situations and almost had no recollection of it the next day. It's been a nightmare, still is but most of the positive side-effects are now gone, yet I feel compelled to still take it every night... Even though it turns me into a person I don't want to be it stops me from thinking about reality and all of life's problems... I just can't stop.

As soon as I get out of this I will try to get my sleep pattern right... Thanks for replying

[Palle 491]

Buddy, my number one tip for you is start a weight lifting exercise program. Seriously. Commit to it for 3 months. I promise you will feel better. Pills aren't the answer and they DO make things worse. Self reflection will only continue to make things worse. You're suffering from Analysis Paralysis. Too much time in your head. Please please please give this a shot. Exercise. You'll feel better about yourself and more comfortable in your own skin. You'll start to engage total strangers on the street for no reason other than you just feel so fucking good.

It's sound advice. I've given it to you before. It's kind of a moot point if you ask for advice from people and then don't bother following any of it.

Maybe this advice is asking you to do something outside of your comfort zone. That's the point. Because what you are currently doing is apparently not working. I was where you are now in my early 20's. Lost, alone, depressed. You'll get through it.

Analysis paralysis... Sounds about right. I just can't clear my head anymore, I just think about too much problems all day long...

Yeah man, I started doing a few months ago but my medicine and depression ruined everything again... No energy, no motivation, sometimes not even any will to live.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to not follow your advice but I have become so forgetful lately. Part of the depression I think...

I will try as soon as I feel a little better, thanks man.

[spectre 633]

Don't be sorry man. It can be tough digging yourself out of a hole.  But at least you are aware of the problems you face.  (possible addiction/reliance on drugs, sleeping pattern way off, etc). 

 

Prescription drugs are the worst kind, in my opinion (except for heroin). Because people think they got it from their doctor, so it must be safe.  I'd say that prescription drugs are far more dangerous.  Especially psych meds like SSRI's.  But that is another debate.

 

You are probably feeling depressed because your brain chemistry is off.  That is where diet and exercise come into play, to help you balance all that shit out.  Exercise with heavy weights will increase your testosterone levels and that alone is worth it from the feeling of confidence it gives you.  You just have to get the momentum to change your life.  I know its cliche, but one day at a time. Stop taking the ambien and grab those weights.  Check out my exercise thread for advice or message me for more personal one on one. I have a combined 3 years experience (no professional yet) but I can at least stop you from making the mistakes that beginners make.

 

Go for a run at the park, anything to get out of the house.  If you need to be alone, do it out in nature. Don't sit in your house, it starts to feel like a prison because you associate all the feelings of lonliness with it.

 

If you need to sleep, take melatonin instead. Its a natural hormone that helps you sleep. Go to bed an hour earlier and wake up an hour earlier eveyr day until your schedule is back on track.  People that work 3rd shift are notoriously depressed. it's not a healthy time table.

 

Try doing Yoga. Search youtube for "power yoga mark gonzales" - do that every day for a week and then tell me you don't feel better already. I'd have to call you a liar.

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,453]

These guys are giving you solid advice.  Seriously.  You're in a shitty rut and you've got to get yourself out of it.  I've told you that in PMs before.  You have to force yourself out of this routine you're in.  It's not working, right?  So what do you have to lose by trying something else?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Start an exercise routine.  Talk to your doctor about getting off the meds.  Sleep!  Go out and do things that are uncomfortable for you socially.  You need to expand your circle.  

[Xethius 59]

Palle now i dont know you much, but what you described in ur first post; we might as well be the same person. All I can say is I truly feel ya, feel your pain. I too feel like basically a "ghost" no one ever see's me. I'm the most honest, caring, and helpful person in a world full of shit and lies, and I still try and do the right thing, yet no one ever notices you. I can reflect every single thing you said so i dont need to post it here word for word, just know that I know too. It sucks. I also have depression, but I don't take anything for it. Bc i dont think anything can help...other than some fucking recognition in this damn world. alittle bit of reassurence from those we wanna help, tutor, just be around, would go a long way with me..and probably you. I also add that my parents tell me i'm a dissapointment just because i havent found my place in life yet. it helps alot with my issues lol 

 

Anyway im not trying to make this about me. Just wanna share that just so you know you arent alone. But take these guy's advice. Weightlifting is amazing it will do wonders for you. Meditate. Play your guitar and just let that music energy flow through your veins. Imagine playing one of your solo's to a hot girl and you two go off together somewhere Go out in nature, get some sunlight. all of these things help me and im sure they'll help you man. Just keep your head up. Life does suck. it really does, but when you go out there and prove yourself, you can be the one on top, telling everyone or everything "i told you so" Everyone has their place in life. If your "time" hasn't come yet, it will soon my friend. And im sure you know sometimes you gotta make your own luck..ya know being at the right place at the right time? it'll get better dude. If ya need me or anyone of us, we're all here for you brother 

[Dr Diamond 407]

i second the "start working out" advice


even if you just get yourself a chin up bar, and do chin ups and press ups to start with, it will make you feel pretty fucking good about yourself.

[Playertd 177]

Dr Diamond, on 19 Nov 2013 - 12:09 PM, said:

i second the "start working out" advice

even if you just get yourself a chin up bar, and do chin ups and press ups to start with, it will make you feel pretty fucking good about yourself.

^^ Last winter I wasn't doing shit all day, everyday...I started working out and running and almost instantly I got better sleep, felt better, had more energy and was more happy. Working out does wonders

[Needle 1]

It's hard to give advice for depression. What works for one may not work for another. I was in a bad place in my last 2-3 years of high school. Gaming, MW2forum and FPShq, school, even writting all became things to distract myself from myself.

One day I had no internet connection, no school, I had stopped writing and there was no food it the fridge for breakfast. I went to McDonald's. Walking home after, I passed my house and kept walking. To this day I couldn't say why. I walked for 4 hours. Thinking about nothing, about everything. Didn't realise it then, but as easily as had fallen into the hole I was out. Still had some dirt on me but it didn't take long to brush off.

You'll be out of this before you know it, literally. Take the advice these guys gave, they know more than I do, but I'll give you mine all the same, it was phrased perfectly in a movie I watched recently: This is an important moment in your life. Pay attention to it.