Dealing with a Drama Queen

[Sennex 1,903]

I've mentioned a few times now that I am not a fan of my sister. By that I mean I truly cannot stand her.

She pulls this crap where she makes these flagrant assumptions about people, with absolutely ZERO input or experience.

Case in point: She frequently rails against Muslims, and Religion of all kinds. Yet she gladly holds up the fact that she has never attended church, or read the bible, Quran, Torah, etc..

 

She prefers getting tattoo's, her hair dyed, or nails done, to buying clothes for her kids.

 

She makes really horrible life decisions and then expects everyone to back her up, or help her out. (She bought a house in Lousiana, in a flood plane, on the beach. The Gulf is literally 20 feet out, and 1 ft below her back porch.)

 

She frequently makes backhanded remarks, and then when people call her out on it, she runs away crying persecution.

 

She left her husband, dying of bladder cancer, to go bang a chef at Waffle House, that was just out of prison, and a raging Alcoholic. (We call him #3, as he isn't deserving of a real name)

 

Nutshell: I hate her, and damn near everything about her.

 

So for the last few years I have managed to stay "Sister Drama" free from her. Both my mother and father have also been, as they were tired of her shit.

 

I don't answer her calls, or texts. She isn't smart enough to use Email, as its not Facebook, so no worries there.

 

However, My dad has decided to reconcile various things in his life, so he has opened the door again for her.

 

She has now decided to start randomly showing up to my house. I refused her entry.

She went back to my dad, and decided to hit him up for money, he gave in, and then called me because he was short. I don't have any damn money, but, I sold some stocks and paid his mortgage for him, and bought groceries.

 

Rinse repeat the above a few dozen times, you guys get the idea.

 

I am at the point though, where I can't play these games anymore, even with my dad.

 

So, how would you all recommend I handle this. Its going to go Nuclear eventually, so at this point I figure get the plan in place and make it happen.

[Harrison 202]

I thought this thread was going to be about someone on here, phew.

 

My Aunt is very similar to your sister, she's bat shit crazy to be honest.

[cyberninja2601 1,106]

I don't know you that well but my impression from the post his she gets it from your dad. 

 

She makes poor decisions and expects other to bail her out. She knows that Dad will. Dad knows that you will bail him out, so in the end you still end up helping her. 

 

I say let your Dad know that you will not be helping anymore and that she better take care of herself and should he chose to help her, good for him bit he's on his own. 

 

I have issues with my brother. He's got a huge chip on his shoulder because he's 7 years younger and not as successful so he tries real hard to show off. There's been all sorts of friction because of it. I just avoid him. That's probably best in this case as well

 

too bad your dad has to be in the middle. 

[Sennex 1,903]

To be honest, she gets it from my mother. They are literally the same creature.

My dad is still caught in the middle though.

 

The really horrible catch here is that my dad watches and helps me home school my son.  So its a really crappy Catch 22, or so it seems the more I think about it

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,452]

Wow man, that's a really tough situation.  Especially the part about your dad helping with your son.  That's tricky.  Have you ever talked to your mom about it?  I wish I had some advice for you.  I'm just hoping to learn something so I can deal with my brother better.  He's the same way. 

 

From my experience, people like that are very hard to help.  You can't help them because they don't want help.  They want to live their lives without consequences.  These types of people seem like they've always been babied by a parent or grandparent.  My brother has always been bailed out of trouble by my entire family.  He's the baby of the family, so they've always looked after him.  He's never learned how to deal with the consequences of his shit choices because he always has a safety net.  They become dependent on everyone else and never learn how to grow up.  At least that's how my brother is. 

[Drifter 851]

That is a hard place to be for you. I know you said you hate her, but we only have one family and even though we may not approve of or even like some of them at times, they are family and I could never actually "hate" my family. Tommy touched on the one thing I was going to say as well, and that is you can't help people that don;t want help. I hate to quote a movie in a serious discussion like this, but there is actually one of my favorite quotes in a movie I dearly love (A River runs through it) where the Dad whom is a Rev says the following during a sermon which I believe to be very true when it comes to family...

 

 

 

 

 

 Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.

 

 

Pretty much sums up my feelings when it comes to issues like this. Don't give her money, don't make things easy for her to countinue the life she has chosen, but don't hate her either because she is family, and there is always a chance that someone may change at some point in their lives.

 

Just my .02

[McNasty 260]

Seems almost every family is going to have one bad egg.  Does your sister have any kids?  That makes the situation much worse.  I have a crazy aunt who raised my cousin to be quite the family stand-out.   She got pregnant at 16, and has 3 kids now between 2 dads.  No job, all welfare, total shit lives.  Takes money from my grandma (who has no money) and uses it for bullshit.  Typical stuff I guess

 

But my cousins 3 kids?  They don't stand a chance and thats what really sucks.  Their mom is a trainwreck, and their grandma (my aunt) is too.  So when they come asking for money, the family feels like they're letting down the 3 kids the most because they already get the short end of the stick.  Nothing we can do for them.  They're young (oldest is like 9 now) and we've been seeing the effects of horrible parenting for years.  Its really sad because the kids had no say in it.  They don't get a choice.  They didn't ask to get raised by bad parents.

 

Women should be implanted with some sort of computer chip that blocks them from getting pregnant until they are at a certain age and have passed written tests and interviews to prove they are worthy of children.  The world is already way overpopulated......we need to legislate some darwinism here.

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,452]

There are a lot of studies that show kids only need one positive influence in their lives to greatly increase their chances of succeeding.  Kids can grow up in absolute shit, but if just one person loves them, and shows them there life doesn't have to be like they've experienced, there are other ways to live, they can make it.  I grew up in an absolute mess.  My mom had me at 16, parents did drugs, divorce, etc., etc., etc...  but I also spent a lot of time with my grandparents.  They're both my best friends today.  They gave me a little hope.  They showed me that life didn't have to be like that.  I hope you don't write your cousins kids off.  You could be that one person in their lives that gives them a peek at a "normal" life. 

[Sennex 1,903]

I try to be there for my nephews, but its getting harder. My sister's attitude is rubbing off on the oldest. He is getting ready to enlist, he hates women (seriously), he is a a bully, lazy, and not once has taken credit for his problems or his failings.

 

Sure he is 17, but how much will he actually grow out of it?

 

My youngest nephew though, now that is a different story, he hates his mom, he has asked to live with me a few times, but its not possible, his mother flat refuses (Mainly on the grounds of her being lazy as hell, and she needs him to pick up after her and #3)

 

I gave both nephews a decent mid range PC; my sister stole it and uses it for porn and facebook, and refuses to give it back.

 

I bought them an Xbox with a few games; #3 smashed it one night while drunk and pretending he was Thor with an iron skillet (Not joking, this actually happened)

 

I bought the youngest a Chromebook; then proceeded to "rent" it to him. He signed a rental agreement with me, where he would pay me 20$ a month. I put that money into a savings account for him, that his mother doens't know about. The reason we did a rental agreement though, so that if anything happens to it, I sue her for it. And I flipping will sue her fat lazy ass if anything happens to it. Also, a savings account for my youngest is just win all around, and he knows and is cool with it.

 

That being said though, your quote is really nice, Drifter, but I view it as one of those things writers put down to sound cool but when it comes to real world application, it falls apart. Like many things, its great on paper, but in application its not even close to reality.

 

Just like with smokers, its impossible to help them quit, unless they 100% in their heart want to quit.

 

My sister doesn't want to change, she is happy going through life manipulating people and getting her way through ignorance and tantrums.

 

My dad feels some sort of guilt for not nurturing her enough or something, I don't really know; but until such a time as he feels he has done enough, I can't help him quit.

[Diddums 4,346]

Jesus, that's one dysfunctional family dude. Good move on the rental agreement, that might actually help. If I wer eyou though, I'd have gone there and picked up the PC and whatever else I could salvage and keep it safe. Or even flog it and put the cash in your nephew's savings account. The PC is clearly going to waste there, and your sister sounds like a real piece of work. I dunno man, I grew up without a father so I know first hand what he's going through, although my mother did all she could to support me and give me the best she could.

 

I'd say spend as much time as you can with those nephews, both of them, hell maybe even get them into a sporting club of sorts just to get them out the house and lead a normal life for a few hours a week.

 

Obviously I don't know the whole situation but from what you've said here it seems pretty messed up.

[lepercolony 275]

i have nothing constructive to offer, i just enjoy listening to The Men drop sage wisdom amongst themselves.

 

(except that McNasty's computer chip would have to be gender-neutral -- being a fuck-up is an equal opportunity occupation.

 

god i'm so PC it's annoying even to me.)

[Drifter 851]

 

That being said though, your quote is really nice, Drifter, but I view it as one of those things writers put down to sound cool but when it comes to real world application, it falls apart. Like many things, its great on paper, but in application its not even close to reality.

 

I think your missing the point of what I said and the meaning of that quote to be honest. I'm not saying to help her or the kids out financially or even to have any relationship at all with her right now. All I am saying by that quote ...is to not "hate" her. As unlikely as it may seem to you, people can change. At one point in my life I was a drunken low life that would steal and con his family to get what I wanted. Now I am probably one of the most honest straight forward guys that would do anything for my family and give a stranger the shirt off my back if he was in trouble. The likelyhood of me changing 20 years ago was not very probable, but one day I just finally grew up and realized I needed to be a man and grow up and change, and I did. If my family would have just gave up and hated me then who knows if I ever would have made that change.

 

So the point I was trying to make with that quote/my previous post is not to tell you to help her or even talk to her if you don't want too... but all I am saying is to don't hate her and completely shut the door on any future chance of reconciliation because even though the chance of her changing may be slim, there is still a chance she may one of these days. People can surprise you when you least expect it, I'm living proof. So all I'm saying is don't shut that door completely is all. Just leave it open a crack just in case.

[lepercolony 275]

so i know this stuff is personal, but i really dug your post Drifter and i'm wondering what, if anything, your family/friends did or could have done to reach out to Young Rascally Drifter twenty years ago.  might be helpful (not just for Sennex, but everyone).

 

or maybe what you're saying here is that, yes, sometimes some people can't be helped, but that said, it's not impossible for people to eventually help themselves (and in case that happens, you don't want to have completely burned bridges)?

[Sennex 1,903]

I admit that I completely missed the point there Drifter, sorry for that; and thank you for the clarification

[Drifter 851]

so i know this stuff is personal, but i really dug your post Drifter and i'm wondering what, if anything, your family/friends did or could have done to reach out to Young Rascally Drifter twenty years ago.  might be helpful (not just for Sennex, but everyone).

 

 

 

Honestly there was nothing my family could have done for me, they tried till they were blue in the face. In my 20's I use to drink a fifth and half of Vodka almost daily, I couldn't hold a job, I wouldn't come home at night, the only job I could hold was a bouncer at a bar and that was just because I could drink when working and liked to fight, I hung out with low lifes and people that were the bottom of the barrel, I stole from the people I loved, I was the kind of person I have since come to despise. My family did everything they could to reach me. They helped financially, they helped emotionally, they helped physically by picking me up when I was in a bad part of town or bailing me out of jail and giving me a place to stay, they tried talking to me, reasoning with me, getting mad at me, crying and showing how I hurt them, even getting me help in the form of a grief counseler at one point. Pretty much they did everything humanly possible to get me to turn my life around.

 

 

or maybe what you're saying here is that, yes, sometimes some people can't be helped, but that said, it's not impossible for people to eventually help themselves (and in case that happens, you don't want to ave completely burned bridges)?

 

Yep that is exactly what I am saying. My family did everything yet I would not change till I was ready. It's the same thing with smoking, drinking or drugs. The only person that can make a change is that person themselves by wanting to change. I think at some point in every persons life they finally are ready to make that change it's just that some people wait too long and lose the opportunity to do so and those are the ones people view as a lost cause. I use to view them as a lost cause as well, but now I view them as people that just simply have not reached that point of wanting to change within. Something needs to happen within for someone to make a change, it's not something that anyone but that person themselves can initiate either. You can try to change someones mind but they won't honestly change till they change their heart. And you can't change someones heart, that's something that has to come from within.