Friendship

[Drifter 851]

Well time to share this I guess. Here's something that has been really bothering me lately. Not sure if you guys remember, but I use to fish with a guy that was about 15 years older than me names Bob, I posted a few year ago about him when his wife suddenly died. Bob and I were best friends for probably 10+ years I'm gonna say. At least from 1999/2000 or so. We use to do everything together, fished all the time, at least 20 times per year, you name it we did it. Anyway... now sure if anyone remebers, but I posted asbout this...his wife died suddenly about 2 years ago. Anyway, the past two years, we have talked maybe a total of 3 times on the phone. We use to talk weekly. We have fished a total of ZERO times. I see him post on facebook and ow all the sudden he's bought a bike and he's suddenly "joe Harley"   The last thing was tonight, I tried to call him for the first time in a few months, got the "This number is no longer in service" message.

 

Wow, just wow guys. I know he's still tryin to adjust to life without his wife of 35 yrs, but this whole thing just blows my mind, and honestly, kind'a hurts me personally because I fail to understand how I lost such a great (best) friend like that. Anyway, just that (No number) kind'a bothered me tonight so just kind'a blowin off some steam is all I guess.

[spectre 633]

I feel you man, I have lost several friends because they became so self absorbed with their own lives. 

 

There is a lyric from a NIN song that always struck me about this situation.

 

"Everyone I know....goes away.....in the end."

 

It's a great song, but Johnny Cash's rendition of it is heartbreaking/legendary

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc

[Drifter 851]

I feel you man, I have lost several friends because they became so self absorbed with their own lives. 

 

There is a lyric from a NIN song that always struck me about this situation.

 

"Everyone I know....goes away.....in the end."

 

It's a great song, but Johnny Cash's rendition of it is heartbreaking/legendary

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc

Dude! lol, too funny. We are a lot alike man because that is actually one of my fav songs. My family always tells me "why do you like that that's so sad" lol. I love Johnny and I love that song.Anyway. Just kind'a bummed man I hate to even tell anyone about this because the guy lost the woman he loved for 35 yrs ya know. So I know he's hurting, but he wont just not even talk to me, but hell, now I can't even find his phone number ya know. I dunno man just really bothers me that the best friendship I ever had just all the sudden ended for no reason ya know.

[spectre 633]

how much time has passed since you last talked? Have you thought about just showing up at his house for a surprise visit?  Was it a slow falling out or abrupt?

[Drifter 851]

When his wife died I went out of my way and drove 70 miles to be with him at the furneral home. Not trying to say "I did this" or anything, but just to tell ya what happend and why I feel how I do. Anyway, I did that, I was there for him, I cried with him and was there for him that day. That was March. In June we had a falling out. He wanted me to build a rod for his new girlfrind. He started this online dating shit not even 2 months after Deb (his wife) died, that really bothered me. Anyway, he wanted me to build a rod for his new online woman I told him I would but postponed him, we got into some words, and did not talk from June till Septeber (that was 2012) Late sept I called him because we had to good a frienship to let it pass. So I was the one that manned up and dropped dime.

 

We spoke maybe once every 2 months since then. Now the last time we talked was early June and we said "lets get together when I'm on vacation in July". That was over 3 months ago.

[uberwarrior 373]

I can sort of empathise with your "friend" in a way Steve. Not saying what he's done is right, wrong or indifferent but I can maybe understand some of what he's gone through having lost a wife myself.

 

During her illness we had friends a plenty, both as a couple and individually. They supported us both through my late wife's illness and made life so much more bearable with having 2 young daughters to try and look after also.

 

Ultimately after Jayne died, our, mine and her friends gradually got back to their own lives and we (now me only) became less of a focal point for their friendship, and slowly but surely that circle of friends diminished greatly, I couldn't always socialise because not being to find a sitter for the girls. This went on  to the point where I eventually lost contact with my best friend.

 

I also moved out of the area in which we all lived, (just couldn't live in the house any longer) his business didn't allow him as much time as it was really taking off. We'd pick up with each other less and less, especially as I had had to give up fishing, and it is now some 6 years since we last spoke. I tried calling him recently and even went round to his house, only to discover that he had moved away.  

 

Was it my fault, was it his or did that friendship just drift apart because of circumstance? I've asked myself all these questions and I guess it a bit of all of these. I miss my friend, but I also understand that some things change even if you don't want them to.

 

Your friend may well still be grieving and doing what he's doing is his coping mechanism. Maybe spending time with him just reminds him of the times with his late wife and brings on sad thoughts? I don't know, but try not to get annoyed by what he is doing, he may not even be able to see it.

[Drifter 851]

 

Your friend may well still be grieving and doing what he's doing is his coping mechanism. Maybe spending time with him just reminds him of the times with his late wife and brings on sad thoughts? I don't know, but try not to get annoyed by what he is doing, he may not even be able to see it.

 You know what bud, that may be true. I never really thought of that. I have known he's having issues dealing with it still even today, but I never really even though that maybe what we use to do reminds him of times with her. That's actually a good point I never thought of.

[Plumbers Crack 4,068]

Try going old school Steve, write him a letter. Better than the phone or FB in a situation like this as you have time to compose, reflect and get your thoughts straight