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This isn't the first time Iv written a piece like this, but every time previously I have deleted it all before posting... Anyone that takes time to read this, thanks and fair play to you... Hello... This is just some thoughts I have jotted down whilst feeling upset this evening... (There is no order or real point to this) Firstly, I'm healthy and there is no danger in me doing anything stupid... Also some of you. I know have actual real problems... Mine are minor compared to yours, as I have little to no responsibilities in life, but please... I cannot help how I feel and these issues upset me on a daily basis... Let me begin... So I'm among the longest standing members of this community, any yet I don't think anyone here really knows anything about me... Mainly because I don't share, and I keep myself to myself, and this mentality has ruined my life...(reading back, "ruined" seems a bit strong) I'm 24 years old, I'm miserable every single day...(some days it's minor, days like today it all gets a bit much for me) I don't have a single close friend in the world, I hate my job, Everyday is the same, *I get up go to work, come home and walk and play with my dogs (probably the highlight of my days at the moment), eat an evening meal, wash up, sit there watching TV/browsing the Internet, Facebook etc, go to bed...* The beginning of it all was when I grew away from my best friend at school, when drinking and smoking weed over the park seemed to be the only thing he wanted to do (I never did this, or had any interest in it). After school I pretty much lost touch with everyone I knew from there, (I was popular at school, friends with everyone). Then on to college, the 3 years I was there I made great friends, again I was friends with everyone in the small college group, for whatever reason, didn't socialise with them outside of college... I could have but probably just made up some excuse as to why I couldn't (I do this a lot). After college, lost touch... Despite a few attempts to try and get together. Again, for whatever reason I came up with an excuse not to... Since then I started working full time, it's been about 4 years give or take... That I have been stuck in this cycle * (see above). I get on with some at work, but they aren't really the sort to socialise with outside work... (Age gaps, children, grandchildren, wives etc...) I see people in the street sometimes from school etc, and I just can't hold a conversation... I just don't know what to say to them, I feel awkward... Iv been surrounded by the same select few people for so long now I just don't know what to do or say to people who I just meet... I have some problems that I know about and have identified for myself: 1 of these is the fact that drinking isn't a hobby of mine... Most things I don't like the taste, it's expensive, you feel like shit the next day... I just don't see the point, so when someone says, "oh we should go for a drink", my initial thought is "ERR NO" I don't say that of course... I just make up some BS excuse... It seems a really stupid thing to say, but I think deciding from an early age not to drink was one of the worst decisions of my life! I will drink, I have no objections to it, I just choose not to... Because of this I have barely socialised or even conversed face to face with anyone my age in the past 4 years, unless family or a colleague... 2. I stress over things that really do not matter... Mainly at work... And why? I work with fibreglass making and selling sewage treatment plants! Its not important! I can't tell you how many times I say this to myself, yet find myself becoming stressed out over this... 3. I'm obsessed with money, due to not going out or doing anything for the past 4 years I have managed to save a fair amount of money... However I don't like to spend it... Wait... What's the point of money if I don't spend it?, sometimes I do spend it, I fact this past couple of months Iv stressed myself out big time because I got a bit happy on the AppStore (in app purchases) and kind of didn't realise it, it was so easy to spend £80 a time, and some days I was doing it multiple times... It is a Star Wars card trader app... I have finally come to my senses and started playing for free/ trying to sell my assets on the app to recoup the money I have wasted... But now I'm stressing because my money has gone down... Even though it doesn't really matter because I wasn't doing anything with it anyway... 4. I always want more, I never seem satisfied with what I have... Money, in terms of cash money, I don't know a person my age who has anywhere near this, am I satisfied no... Car, I have a decent car, my first car... Brought almost brand new, no finance, straight cash... Now I want a new car, for whatever reason have my heart set on 1 in particular, and it would absolutely clean me out! Why do I want it? I don't know... I don't go anywhere apart from work, so what's the point? But I still want it... Thing is, if I brought it I can't imagine what I would do when I see my bank balance as 0... Would it make me happier? Who knows... 5 I'm very very very shy... Other things... I just don't want to do anything anymore... I love watching TV series, but lately I just can't concentrate on them or just cannot be bothered to put them on, even though I'm sitting in front of the TV... I love football, however since the World Cup last summer, since then, I forget when Liverpool are even playing and when the big matches are on I'll just not watch it... Gaming, one thing you guys do know about me, I was missive cod fan in the beginning, as were we all... Now I don't play cod, but I want to... Everytime I go to play it, I make up an excuse why I shouldn't... I just flat out gave up on warframe a few months ago, after probably 700 hours, just stopped... New Lego Jurassic world, still in the packet... Elder scrolls online, played for about 12 hours, it's good but I just can't be bothered to play it... Batman, Arkham knight, I love batman so much the game is so good, the story is so interesting... Haven't played it in a week... The only game I want to play is clash of clans, and even that is getting less and less... I used to love coming to this forum to talk about games, it seems to have just died out, I have nothing interesting to say, and anything other people are posting I don't relate to... I miss this forum... I enjoy the gym, when I'm there, i just cannot motivate myself to go... It's 3minutes drive from my house if that... I'm payed pretty well and work good hours, but I hate the job and it's not a health environment, fumes and potentially carcinogenic materials I work around daily, I want a new job and have done for a long time, however as soon as I get home I forget all about it and do nothing to get a new job, then the next day at work I worry and plan to do this and that when I get home, and never ever do... I'm going to wrap this up for now... Iv had enough thinking about of for 1 day... If anyone read this far, do you have any advice? What the hell does a 24 year old do to make friends? It's not like when your a kid and can just go out to the park and be like, hey can I play? Without a circle of friends how am I meant to ever find a serious girlfriend, I can't go to a bar on my own... Besides Id be too shy to do that anyway... Do I need a doctor? Medication? I just don't know what to do with my life...