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*Mark recommended this thread. I don't know how he knew but lets go....* Cal's tips on necrophilia 1 - Make sure they're ready: Before you venture down the road of necrophilia, you need to make sure your new partner is actually dead. You can accomplish this by putting your thumb in the rectum. If they are alive, they might get pissed off. If they don't flinch then you're all set to start. You could skip the testing stage by getting a shovel (or a JCB if you're really looking to party) and heading to your local hotspot. This could be a graveyard or even a retirement home if you're the patient type. 2 - Find a romantic spot: You could be the naturist type and go at it there and then but if you want to keep it intimate, I'd suggest finding a nice secluded place. A lot of people make the mistake of bringing them home for coffee. DON'T do this. The smell of.......intimacy mixed with rotting flesh can cause a dip in the sensual mood. Find a romantic abandoned warehouse or derelict house. Maybe go back to their place? It's not like they're using anyway. 3 - Set the mood: Some incense goes a long way. I recommend lavender. 4 - Prepare yourselves: KY or Smuckers will allow you and your partner have fun without that horrible chafing feeling. Your new lady/boy friend isn't in a position to get......moist, without a helping hand. 5 - Be prepared for the break-up: Your new partners hygiene might start to get to you so always keep your options open. Keep an eye on the obituary pages in the newspaper. You never know, your high school crush who you were never good enough for might get hit by a car. Bitch can't say no now.... 6 - Go at it like a rabbit and a dead hare: You're ready now for some intimacy. Remember to clean up accordingly after fun-time is over (remember the hygiene) 7 - The actual break-up: You now need to let them down lightly. Dig a fresh hole and gently lower them into it (you were in love once). You could also bring them back to their grave but the po-po might be watching. 8 - Rinse and repeat *This is by no means a real guide and I don't condone sticking your wick into the dead community. It's wrong man.