The Patch that never was

[Sennex 1,903]

Its a shame that we will never see this. Yet another Reddit thread I found

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Note: This is not my comment. It is by user "the ben obiwan:"

""The update we'll never get-

 

"We listened to the masses, and are making some changes to the game.

 

5 million people bought the dlc, so we have plenty of funds to make this game fun again!

 

We are doubling vault space, hell, lets triple it, what do we care?

 

You can now trade your useless acendant mats for other things, 10 to 1 for radiant mats, 1 to 1 for marks.

 

Survival mode added. Its really fun, and you get more loot the longer you stay alive.

 

Grimoire is accessible in game, so people actually read it.

 

As you complete sections of the grimoire, cut scenes are unlocked, revealing story points, it was always there, we just forgot to put it in.

 

You can now change your characters appearance once a week for 10,000 glimmer.

 

We made some really fun bounties for you to try, because we are sick of the same crap since launch as well.

 

You can now add modifiers to any mission, and complete it for rewards suitable to difficulty.

 

Of course we don't want every single core player looking identical, the outfitter can help. You just need the armor that has the appearance you want and the armor that has the stats you want. Take it to the outfitter with a chunk of some materials or something and BLAM you have sweet, unique armor, it's so -blam!-ing simple, I can't

believe we didn't have this in since release.

 

Crota's End sparrow can do tricks.

 

We agree, all those low impact auto rifles and pulse rifles are like shit on a dick. Nobody wants it, so we added some decent/balanced ones.

 

We fixed all them annoying bugs, like the sword disappearing, and the Templar random containment fields.

 

Queens Wrath is coming this week.

 

Turns out there is not a problem with YOUR network, it was OUR problem all along. lol.

 

Oh, and 5 more strikes are available, just because we are rolling in cash, and we want to thank you, the customer, for being such a sport, and believing in us."

 

But instead Bungie just carry on, completely oblivious to core problems in the game.

 

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,456]

This made me happy/sad.  Happy because if you read it like it's real, it's awesome news.  Sad because it's not.  

 

Damn, I wish this was real. 

[Sennex 1,903]

This would be so easy for them to implement as well

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,456]

Yeah, that is what is frustrating about reading this.  It could be done no problem.  

[Sennex 1,903]

All I really want in the game at this point is Guns on my Sparrow, and a series of Sparrow Race tracks.

 

Can you imagine Sparrow PVP race tracks, even cooler would be if there were mobs with Pikes and crap on the track.

[BO7H B4RRELS 2,456]

I'd love to see some Sparrow races.  I thought for sure we would have some.  Hard to believe they're not implementing something like that.  

 

I don't know why there aren't more Pikes in the game.  I think it would be cool.  

[JsinOwl 644]

Go then, there are other worlds than these.

[Sennex 1,903]

I need another 49 crucible marks, and then my OCD will have worn itself out, and I can get back to Valkyria Chronicles